Sunday, November 26, 2006

COAMS #28 - An Indecisive Libran

Considering me being an indecisive libran,
making a decision, having a stand,
is never easy,

Finally being able to hold on to what i believe,
fighting for it,
and actually winning it,
but somehow things don't work out...
i wonder,
is it fate? or simply my stubborness...
religious believers call them 'tests and challenges from God'
to some others, it's just bad luck,
to me, i just feel silly, dumb,
i wished someone would just say,
'you did the right thing'
instead of 'you did what you think was right'
although sometimes, there really isn't any right or wrong,
and i wonder all the efforts,
all for nothing...
and sometimes, i just gave up...

Everything happens for some reason,
God has fooled me, again...

(November 26, 2006 at 07:21 AM)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

COAMS #27 - Everyone faces exams

(November 23, 2006 at 06:04 PM)

i realise that everyone faces exams, whether your are 3rd year (like me), 4th year, 5th year, being a registra, going for specialisation, etc... Even when you are no longer a student, only that they don't call them exams anymore- being job interviews, promotion, hitting the target, meeting expectations,.. they are all actually some form of exams, seeing how far you can go, how high you can reach.. only that exams have a fix date... oh well...

i am not saying that exams are all bad though... i mean, they ARE there for some REASON... stress is good,.. to a certain extend, when under control... with stress, you get all the adrenaline pumping which actually pushes you beyond your imagination... sometimes, i do wonder how did i manage to burn the midnight oil, reading pages after pages, a chain coffee-addict i am during my pre-clinical years... perhaps, it's the norm around here... either you work or die...

note that i used the word [did]- past tense...

exams is coming up in a week's time.. stress is building,.. i am trying to convince myself that this is a normal process, and after that, everything will be fine...

there is really so much more to life besides exams... but if you take life one at a day, and ignore exams, you probably wouldn't be so ambitious anyway...

the secret to success, if any, is total commitment...

(which explains why i was never successful, haha!)

p/s: yesterday was a 'good' hair day (do you call it 'good hair day'?).. i decided to be a doctor who is nice to patients and med students when i graduate,.. that is IF i graduate... Dr Shakee was awesome! sometimes, a doctor can make one's day... without realising how much they influences goes ;)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

COAMS #26 - complains and more complains

(November 16, 2006 at 02:12 AM)

When will I stop complaining?

I can’t help it, really. Today’s another one of those [bad-hair-day].. or rather [bad-hair-week].. I feel terrible, in fact, I looked terrible…

I had abdominal pain last Tuesday,.. went to the A&E department and had to answer a list of really annoying questions like: where EXACTLY is the pain? Where is the maximal intensity? Does it radiate anywhere? Any rebound tenderness? How is the nature of the pain? Colicky? Sharp? Dull? Cramping?? ArGGGGHhhhhhh…….. Although I am a medical student, being a really really SICK medical student, I really can’t be bothered.. Inside of me was just shouting, HELL,SKIP THE QUESTIONS AND JUST GIVE ME ALL THE PAIN KILLERS YOU’VE GOT!! Ironic huh? How you understand why patients can get real annoyed.. The worst thing was when the HO (House Officer) open her book of drug list and ask me what drug i want... hah!

I tried to start my day with a smile,
Tried to convince myself that today will be a fine day,
Yet,.. today is still as yesterday...

Today’s really not my day…
i'm having emotional fluctuation,
having menstrual pain
had acute gastro enteritis
on top of that, i'm suffering from PRE-EXAM-SYNDROME
and i got INK-ed today...
and my precious handphone got a spot.
i should be enjoying myself at Genting with BoonLee and Audrey now,
but i'm stucked here, *siGh*...
and i've got class at 7am tomorrow...

well, somethings never change...
when will i ever stop complaining... =P

Friday, November 3, 2006

An Awesome Experience!

(November 03, 2006 at 08:01 AM)

The strings each taking their turns,
Gradually uniting and building the climax
The cello plucked and hopped
Screeching as they hit the bridge
Unexpectedly gentle to the ears
The woodwinds pulling you forward
Like a magnet of unknown powers
The sound of the piccolo singing like a bird
The flutes skip along
The harps play angelically, I felt like in heaven,
The horns and trumpets,
Majestically making their stand,
The drum rolls,
The symbol claps… marking- the end.
I've attended many musical performances,
And today,
today was by far THE MOST AWESOME performance!!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

COAMS #25- The 5 Stages Of Dying

(October 18, 2006 at 08:16 AM)
5 stages of dying





at medical school, i was told that the above are the 5 stages of dying,.. but, i personally think that it applies to our everyday life...

i remember Morrie once said(in Tuesday with Morrie by Mitch Albom) - it is okay to feel sad. allow yourself to fully experience the depression, and then get over it. sometimes, i wake up in the morning feeling sad, but i only allow an hour of sadness and nothing more...- well, not exactly a quote, but more or less so...

but sometimes, we tend to get stuck in the depression stage for a very very long time... and we try to aviod the feelings, push them away... i guess, unless we allow depression to penetrate fully, we will never reach acceptance, and the cycle repeats itself...

Footnotes: Tuesday with Morrie is a novel by Mitch Albom which i highly recommand! it's about his palliative journey in facing death.. journey to the coffin... how he faced the days as he withers,.. yet managed to touch so many hearts and changed so many lives... a teacher whose works live forever...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

COAMS #23- if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)

(September 21, 2006 at 03:47 AM)
if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)

life over here is,.. ermm.. well...

i have exams next monday and wednesday, you guys really have to pray for me lehh... it's driving me mad... i'm desperate for a good case, a good examiner, and a easy pass... i'm so desperate that i made a deal with God to go on a 3-day vegetarian diet if i pass.. one week if i get good results... which is a big deal for me, coz i don't really fancy veggies... in fact, i hate green leafy stuffs!

btw, did i tell you that my mum actually called me to tell me study facing the east? better feng shui, she said.. perhaps that explains why i'm not getting it!

anyway, i have been panicking over exams for the past few weeks,.. that somehow, i felt that i have exhausted myself... at one point, i just felt like , hey, i don't wanna give a damn... and watching [the click] certainly didn't help... i thought it would improve my mood, you know, with the comedy and all... but i just felt like packing all my stuffs and go straight home.. forget about exams and all, CAN I?

i shall make this my last blog for me to complain over exams,.. it's exhausting and i guess it's about time i simply grow out of it and blog bout other meaningful thing... till then, oh well...

i'll be back next week, have half a week break,.. very very short break,... who's back besides audrey? yeah, audrey, i'm sorry to hear bout pipi... don't worry, she's just closer to God...

hey people, come back for the weekend la! it's hard to gather people nowadays, i don't know why... tight schedules, commitments, distance increases over time... even the mails and messages reduces over time.. oh well, who can i blame?

life goes on...

oh yes, pong, nice to hear that you are taking creative writing...i'm so jealous... no, please don't remind me of those classic 'rain' stuff..haha!! remember your classic 'white' story? those were the days... i feel like writing too, but somehow, couldn't.. don't know why... you know what? i actually missed English classes... no, not Pn Chu's class la.. but i guess i missed Mrs Lim Swee Boon and Mr Fredderick.. missed writing, having English games, and doing literature...even spelling is fun with Mr Fredderick! those were the days...

if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)

am i ready to commit? are you ready to commit?

Friday, September 15, 2006

COAMS #22- keep running

(September 15, 2006 at 02:35 AM)

i woke up today wondering,
it the kinda feeling,..
being out of control,
totally losing it..
being a slave to your books and EXAMS-the almighty...
'study or die, study or die, study or die'...
feeling guilty spending time on the little things you once like..
the air is unusually dense,
the wards are unusually foreign,
you lost the sense of belonging,
but there's no escape,
it's like running in a dark tunnel,
you can't see what's happening,
don't know what to do,
only having a glimpse of light in front,
and survival instinct tells you to keep running...
keep running, keep running...

Friday, September 1, 2006

i hate exams

i hate exams

i hate exams

i hate exams

and i really do...

it's really tiring, you know

a cycle that never ends

and you wonder

will i ever exhauste myself

and you question

am i ever strong enough

is this what i really what

what do i really what?

questions left unanswered

and the cycle repeats itself

i hate exams

i hate exams

i hate exams

oh boy, how i hate exams!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

COAMS #21- Unspoken Words...

(August 26, 2006 at 10:59 AM)

when so little can be said, yet so much could be understood...

i clerked a deaf and mute patient this morning it was tough and challenging but he was really nice and had so much patience we had to communicate via a piece of paper it was not easy for me you see, he had a limited english vocabulary i on the other hand, cannot write chinese i am amaze of how much we can communicated, even without voices... just writings and body language it was an unusual experience nothing is impossible, my friend... look forward to visiting him again on monday i wish to learn hand language some day....

Sunday, August 20, 2006

bad luck #6!

(August 20, 2006 at 12:49 AM)
This had indeed INDEED INDEED be my UNLUCKI-EST week!!!

Guess what? Remember, I once said that my cell phone is officially DEAD?? Well, my friend was so nice to lend me hers… the thing is, on my way home from Bandar Tasik Selatan Commuter Station to Seremban, her phone (which I borrowed) got stolen!! Darn those PICKPOCKETS!!


what the HELL is happening with my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder whether does it has anything to do with it being the seventh month of the Chinese calendar…

i went to this siamist temple 2 days ago, it gives me a feeling of serenity....

need to get new phone.... any recommadation?? considering SE k700i...

i heard the AP is around rm900,.. but according to boonlee, around rm500+ also can find ... hmm.. must really look around....

COAMS #20- MOST unlucky week!

COAMS #20- MOST unlucky week!

(August 20, 2006 at 12:13 AM)

This has indeed been my MOST UNLUCKY week!

1. For the first time in this semester, I’m so grateful that I stayed on the ground floor of the hostel, with the room closest to the entrance of the block. You see, I twisted my ankle last night. AGAIN! (you don’t have to shout that). Missed a step, learned a big lesson – never sms while walking, and yeah, choose a room at the ground floor, always, you can forget the crap about the scenic view and all… It’s much better now, took so much painkillers that I think I’m killing my liver now.. * siGh*…the funniest thing is people in the hospital keep staring at me.. I guess you don’t usually find people in white-coats limping around… I must have looked so silly! :P and I had to smile back and specify, ‘sprained my ankle’, as their facial expression demanded an explanation… don’t feel like going to the wards, partially because of that, the other half because it hurts, especially when you go up stairs,.. Can’t perfom the dorsiflex or plantarflex thing without pain… arGGhhhhh….

2. Sadly, my luckiness didn’t stop there. Guess what? The longest arm of my watch fell (the ‘second’ needle).. that’s what happen when you get a cheap watch. Well, this kind of thing shouldn’t bother me, you might wonder, considering, I still can see the time with the ‘hour’ and ‘minute’ hands. It’s just that, now, I have a problem counting the pulse rates and respiratory rates… * siGh *…

3. Thirty, my handphone has OFFICIALLY loss it’s function. Before this, I only had problems with the joystick, occasionally send message wrongly and have difficulties is typing and punching the numbers. Now, the WHOLE keypad is SPOILT! Can’t even switch on the phone. That’s not the worse thing. The thing is, smart little me saved my contacts in the phone, so now, I cannot access the numbers. So, is you are reading this, do send me a sms and tell me who are you. If you are kind enough, sms the other friends’ number too la.. (eg: pong, if you are reading this, do sms shinloo, Audrey, boon lee, ze, etc number too la…; p/s: I use pong as an example coz I’m certain she reads my blog, oh well..)

4. Bad luck number #4: I dropped my matrix card! And I can’t get a new card in HUKM. Have to go back to the KL campus for a new card. The thing is, the office there is only open on office hours and not open on weekends. And with this sprained ankle, I don’t even feel like going there.

5. My IMU friend May who when to AMSC Hong Kong conference with me was so kind to bring the cd containing our group pictures to HUKM for me… it is so nice of her… however, I can’t open the CDs!! Tried on a few computers and still failed.. * siGh *… how lerrr….

6. is there a bad luck number #6? Hope not…

What can one do to remove bad luck? Recently, my friend’s wallet got stolen. I wonder whether bad luck is a transmittable epidemic... * siGh *… perhaps I have to compensated for the good luck I had before this (not that I’ve been lucky)… have you ever that this feeling at the beginning of the day or week, something really good happened and you feel lucky the whole day or week… vice versa,.. this week is bad luck week… I can only be thankful that it’s not exam week. Maybe I’ve sinned and this is punishment… (what have I done wrong?) or maybe, I’m cursed… (nahhh… I don’t believe in curses… )

P/s: recently, I had a comment that my blog is too difficult to understand. Sometimes, too long and unrelated (the intro and the ending). Hmm… I’m not sure how can I improve on that… I haven’t been using any bombastic words.. maybe, I’ll try to include footnotes for medical terms ^_^ Do excuse me for my terrible English which Pn Chu Lai Lin would probably correct them in reds.. I am still insisting that university life had killed my English…


1.dorsiflex/plantarflex = flexing your feet at the ankle joint.

2.Pn Chu Lai Lin = my form6 English teacher who is capable to correct one’s English anytime, anywhere. She is capable of ANYTHING, if you know what I mean… Georgians would understand…

3. Georgians = students from SMK King George V, Seremban. (I’m proud to be a Georgian!)

Bad luck #6

Friday, August 4, 2006



It’s a long time since I last blogged… there’s so much I want to write.. there’s so much I want to share,.. but at this point in time… I’m in the [Audrey,-I’m-tired] mood…. (p/s: I used to complain to my zhi mui Audrey when I’m tired, so much so that I used the term – Audrey, I’m tired – so often it becomes a natural expression, well, it’a a long story…)

A flash back of my life…

I had 2 weeks of holiday…
Spend the last week of my holiday touring hong kong,..
Skipped 1 week of class to attend a conference in Hong Kong


Came back last Sunday,

Attended 1 week of class…

And today’s Friday…

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the hong kong trip, the conference was swell!! I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t want to get back…

My second week of medicine posting just past, I’m still as blur as ever… I guess everything takes time to adapt,.. and in my case, I usually take a longer time to adapt… I really envy my friends who could just get back on track, knowing what to do, and doing it… JUST DO IT!!

Perhaps, I’m suffering from withdrawal symptoms - when fun and relaxation is withdrawn, and you fall back to the harsh reality… and when you are depressed, redundant, and end up complaining non-stop, time flies, unforgiving…

Mind you, Medicine posting is the toughest posting in 3rd year and the failing rates are significant. There’s so much of (should-do) yet so little time… I know, it’s childish, complaining over facts,.. Things that cannot be changed…

But sometimes, you put all your strength and energy, but things still don’t work out… then you just simply feel, TIRED… then you question – what’s the point anyway,.. then you look for ‘the purpose’.. then you are back at the starting point… then the whole process repeats itself… other time, you just doubt that’s your very best….

Really, I don’t know what the hell have I crapped… but, Audrey, I’m still tired… tired and tsol…


(August 04, 2006 at 12:09 AM)

It’s a long time since I last blogged… there’s so much I want to write.. there’s so much I want to share,.. but at this point in time… I’m in the [Audrey,-I’m-tired] mood…. (p/s: I used to complain to my zhi mui Audrey when I’m tired, so much so that I used the term – Audrey, I’m tired – so often it becomes a natural expression, well, it’a a long story…)

A flash back of my life…

I had 2 weeks of holiday…
Spend the last week of my holiday touring hong kong,..
Skipped 1 week of class to attend a conference in Hong Kong,..

Came back last Sunday,
Attended 1 week of class…
And today’s Friday…

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the hong kong trip, the conference was swell!! I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t want to get back…

My second week of medicine posting just past, I’m still as blur as ever… I guess everything takes time to adapt,.. and in my case, I usually take a longer time to adapt… I really envy my friends who could just get back on track, knowing what to do, and doing it… JUST DO IT!!

Perhaps, I’m suffering from withdrawal symptoms - when fun and relaxation is withdrawn, and you fall back to the harsh reality… and when you are depressed, redundant, and end up complaining non-stop, time flies, unforgiving…

Mind you, Medicine posting is the toughest posting in 3rd year and the failing rates are significant. There’s so much of (should-do) yet so little time… I know, it’s childish, complaining over facts,.. Things that cannot be changed…

But sometimes, you put all your strength and energy, but things still don’t work out… then you just simply feel, TIRED… then you question – what’s the point anyway,.. then you look for ‘the purpose’.. then you are back at the starting point… then the whole process repeats itself… other time, you just doubt that’s your very best….

Really, I don’t know what the hell have I crapped... but, Audrey, I’m still tired... tired and tsol...

COAMS #18 - Withdrawal Symptoms

The wards were unusually quite today
Most patients seemed occupied
I walked from one bed to another
I drifted from one ward to another
I wasn’t sure what was I observing
There was this foreign feeling
I don’t belong here

Being away for some time
I guess I had the bed-side-phobia
Not sure of where to start
Not sure of how to begin
I watched the other student clerk
I observed the doctor work
Yet, I walked from one bed to another,
I drifted from one ward to another

A minute past, a couple of hours flew
I walked from one bed to another
I drifted from one ward to another

The end of the week have arrive,
I’m still at the starting point,
God knows what filled the gap

I walked from one bed to another
I drifted from one ward to another

(August 04, 2006 at 12:05 AM)

Friday, July 7, 2006

COAMS #8 - who are we to judge others?

(07072006, 1247pm)

I’m writing this on the way home to Seremban. So much had happened lately that I really don’t know what to write, what can I write. For starters, my pre-clinical examinations are finally over!! Yeay, thank God… I still can’t believe 2nd year ended so fast though… and to think that I’ll be doing my Clinical years in 2 months time.
This month, I discovered a lot about people. Yeah, people. Sometimes, I felt as if I am a character from a movie or something, or at least the people around me. Somehow, my friends never fail to surprise me from time to time, whether high school friends or university friends. And I thought that complicated matters only happen in movies, or in ‘other people’s life’.
I felt that everyone is actually wearing a mask in his or her everyday life. Some people wear it thicker, some people more superficial. Sometimes, I’m not exactly sure whether a person is capable to change so drastically, or had we not really known them from the start. It’s kind of scary when you come to think about it. Many things we labeled as ‘not right’, many things we may not agree to. But really, who are we to judge others?
Now, as I look at the people around me, I start to wonder… the girl sitting in front of me might be a superstar, the guy behind me might be a future leader, the bus driver might be a serial killer. I mean people around us may not be what as we expected. Some people see life as a journey, some see life as a game. Some enjoy the challenge to achieve the most in life.
I’m no sure where the bus driver is taking us. He kept getting off the highway. Maybe there’s some road block for le tour de langkawi. Oh well, feeling a little sleepy now….so, I guess I’ll just get some rest now.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

COAMS #16- Fear of the Psychiatric wards

(June 27, 2006 at 08:09 AM)

i can't help feeling a little terrified of the psychiatric wards... it gives me a rather eerie feeling... very disturbing...

imagine, patient gripping your hands in fear, asking you not to leave,..telling you of the music she heard... the voices... asking you what to do.. you listen,.. you comfort... you give all the empathy you can afford,.. you can't leave for class... you can't leave for home.. you just can't leave...

patients walking in circles,.. limited facial expression,.. he stares straight at you...

patients responding to their hallucinated friend...

patients holding you with their icy cold hands,.. in fear...

the wards can be very depressing and scary... disturbing...

oh God... i really must learn how to face these patients...

the clinics are much better, patients are almost normal... like anyone you see off the street... like i said before, 'i believe that everyone, at some point in life, have a certain degree of mental disorder'... this is an opinion, not a delusion(fixed false belief)...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

COAMS #17 @ Medicine Rotations

Date : 14062006 (1930pm)
Mood : Sometimes, one convince oneself so much that one can’t tell what is real and what is not…

I wrote my diary today. Hasn’t done that for the past 3 months, which is a big deal for me, considering my unstable emotional fluctuant. Sometimes, I feel that filling up the pages of a diary is like a therapy. It helps me think, the way music and sports make people think.

Today, my lecturer said something about anxiety. It was quite personal as I had the similar episode before, to the extend that I was rushed to the Hospital Kuala Lumpur. But of course, during that time I didn’t realize that it was anxiety. I was hyperventilating and had peripheral paraesthesia - fingers numbness. I was pretty convinced at that point that I had another asthmatic attack. My friend believed that the 2 pitiful prawns I had for dinner after blood donation had triggered it. Indeed, I was so annoyed when the doctor at A&E Dept kept asking me whether I am stressed, about my exams, etc… In fact, I kept insisting that I’m ‘UNDER’-STRESSED, meaning having too little stress, having stress level lower that I should… oh God… I can be such a ‘difficult’ patient, sometimes… to think that I’m form Med school.. haha!

That’s not the main point. The thing is, Datin Norella said today that when people faces a problem, very often, they may try to channel their problem towards something else, something more manageable, like being sick. When one is sick, one sees a doctor, one take medication, one gets well, full stop! The problem is, she didn’t tell me how to treat the problem… * siGh *… I mean, I know how to treat anxiety, hyperventilation, metabolic alkalosis etc… but how to you prevent going into anxiety? Stop med school?

I don’t feel well today. But I clearly know I am not sick. It’s just a feeling, not feeling good. One of those days you feel that it’s your ‘bad-hair-day’.. but you can’t really tell why…

It’s the fourth week of my Medicine posting (which, supposing is the toughest and scariest posting in the entire year). I’m like half way through, yet I feel that it has just begun. I’m not sure whether I am stressed or am I lacking stress. I want to have a healthy amount of stress, I know that I SHOULD be stressed, I NEED TO BE STRESSED, only then I would start pushing myself and induce adrenaline production. Until then, I’m in the –I-AM-TOO-LAZY-AND-I-DON’t-GIVE-A-DAMN- state…. *siGh *… it’s sad right? Having med student like me? Maybe I need self-motivational books.. I wonder, is there a [MEDICINE-FOR-DUMMIES] book.. Hmm…

Sometimes, one convince oneself so much that one can’t tell what is real and what is not…

Thursday, June 1, 2006

hostel horrors

I missed home. I haven’t talked much about the hostel here, have I? Lately, they are having this ‘rondaan malam’ thing in my hostel. Why, you may ask. Well, there were cases, I heard. Some psycho has been wondering around in the girls hostel. Let me share with you the story I heard. I’ll write it from the persona point of view.

0256am – finally, I’ve completed my assignment! Last minute work. Turned off the lights and crawled under the warm blankets. Bummer, I forgotten to lock the main door, arGh... can’t be bothered,..

I thought I heard someone calling. Am I dreaming? I must be. The mourning starts getting unusually louder. Is it from the next door? I was not sure. People around here don’t sleep, huh? I thought.

‘adik’ a soft whisper came from my window. I saw the silhouette of a man, short, spiky hair. Oh my God, I must be studying so hard that I am imagining things. Exams do things to people. ‘adiiiik’ he continued calling, this time louder. Okay, maybe I’m not dreaming. I figure someone is looking for the next door neighbour. Curious, I inched towards my window and peeped through the curtains. There was this young Indian man, dressed neatly in checkered shirt.

I stepped back. Shock, fright, fear, horror – the emotions filled my head so fast I couldn’t register. I need help. I need to get out of here. I can’t breath.

He continued mourning, gradually louder and louder. I need to call someone, anyone. But my cell phone is just next to the window. Go away, I shouted, but the words couldn’t come out. I hid at the corner of my room. Pulled the blanket over my head. Cupped my hands over my ears. Prayed for him to go away… go away..

So, that was the story I heard. The Malay girl reported the case- a stranger masturbating by her window in the middle of the night. So, the hostel is no longer safe. Creepy huh?

p/sss: if again you might be wondering, NO, i haven't had any encounter with that creapy guy and hopefully never will.

Thursday, May 4, 2006

COAMS #15 -AMSA Activities

(May 04, 2006 at 08:12 PM)

Since AMSA (the Asian Medical Student Association) has already been a part of me, I guess it’s only fair that I blog at least a little of it here.

We had this jumble sale last month, at HUKM. It went on quite well… better than expected… yet, there are still rooms for improvement. What’s a jumble sale?- you may ask,,, well, it’s like a garage sale, only that it’s not in a garage… sort of like a junkyard sale, well, not exactly though, junkyard made it sound very bad, unwanted… it’s more of like selling stuffs contributed by people… like old clothes, books, souvenirs, toys, teddies, things collecting dust at the corner of your house, stored for ages in your storerooms/attics, etc Bottom line: if you do have stuffs to contribute, there’s this jumble sale coming up in end of May and end of June. Keep those ‘junks’ for me ya!! ^_^ contact me and we’ll arrange something… (to seremban ppl-i can try to pick the stuffs from your house ^_^)

On the other hand, we had a Clinical Booth at Berjaya Times Square last week. It was fun! Well, at least I had fun, I think. I enjoyed checking BP(Blood Pressure). There was this guy who had a BP as high as 180/140!! I realized that many among the public have a history of hypertension, mostly on medication. Approximated 30% of the people I examined had raised BP or are on hypertension medication. Hypertension, no big deal, you may think… but don’t underestimate it. It is one of the major risk factor for heart failure, hyperlipidemia, and to the extreme extend – stroke! Like the name implies, stroke comes suddenly, unexpected, unpredictable. The next thing you know, you’ll find one side of your body paralysed. Scary huh? I’m trying to get my parents and relatives to quit smoking and reduce their coffee intake. It’s tough to ask mum to drink not more than 1 cup of coffee each day when I myself, is a caffeine-addict who sometimes takes up to 3 cups per night. *sigh *… thou do not do as thou preach…

COAMS #14 - allow God to do his magic

(May 04, 2006 at 02:46 AM)

I visited my piano teacher’s brother’s mother-in-law this afternoon. She was admitted to HUKM with bilateral stroke- cerebellum infarction. Mdm Chong, 72, had a history of chronic hypertension, on medication, came in to the A&E department with stroke, hemiplegia on the left side, with history of severe headache for a week.
When she (Mdm Chong) was first admitted last Monday, she was paralysed on the left side. The condition worsens, as yesterday, she couldn’t move both her right and left lower limbs. Luckily, sensory is still intact, only motor and co-ordination is affected. She had dysphagia (difficulty in swallowing) and had been fed through a Ryles tube (nasogastric tube). Her systolic blood pressure shot up to 200 yesterday but managed to be reduced to 160 today, still elevated though…

Really, what a medical student can do is very limited. I was shocked when my teacher called me for help. She had so many questions, answers which some I could not provide. I did wonder whether have I not studied enough… So, I just sort of accompanied her there, tried to explain the situation to her. Sometimes, I feel helpless…

Sometimes, I hate the doctors when they don’t take some time off to explain to the patient, talk to them,.. Sometimes, they take the patient for granted. ‘Arghh, she’s lucky to live till 72’ one of the doctors commented. Patients worry, their immediate families worry… they live in fear, they felt lost…

But, really, I can’t blame them, the doctors. They are busy people. They have to go for ward rounds, make important life-or-death decisions, go to the clinics, and even give lectures and classes to annoying students like us! (note: I haven’t touch personal space and time). I fear that one day I might be one of them. One day, I might eventually learn to hate myself…

I told them to expect the worst and pray for the best. Don’t think of how terrible the condition is, instead, think of what can be done… what can be done to improve the condition and prevent other complications… Emotional support, physiotherapy, etc… The doctors will always try their best. We, on the other hand must be strong and never give up.

“Keep praying and give her support,” I said. “We do our best, God will do the rest” – at this point, I allow God to do His magic, though I don’t really have any particular belief. I think all medical students eventually will learn to believe in God (I SO must convince Shu Juen, a friend of mine who is an atheist), it makes life easier. No, I don’t believe the monkey story (evolution). Doctors sometimes cure, comfort always. God decides and heals. So, really, there is no right or wrong.
My teacher’s sister-in-law is taking care of the patient now. Sometimes, I think we should have a profession ‘specially made’ to explain situations and conditions to the patients. Telling them, what to expect, and what can be done. Maybe, that is what I find lacking in the public sector.

I like to follow Dr Nafisah during ward rounds. I enjoy watching her work. So far, she’s the only doctor I knew who talks, listens and care for her patients. She’s my role model. ^_^

Friday, April 21, 2006

Confession of a medic student #13 - Raymond's Philosophy

(April 21, 2006 at 12:02 PM)

You are a detective when seeing the patient,
You are a lawyer when presenting the case,
You are a doctor when rendering the treatment.
(Quoted from Prof Dr Raymond)

I attended Prof Raymond’s talk today. He’s one funny lecturer. He even has his very own philosophy! –he calls it the [Raymond’s Philosophy]… facing exams is one thing, treating and managing the patient is another, both equally important. "I never believe in saying [i want to be a good doctor], instead, say [i want to pass my exam] first. How can you be a good doctor when you fail and is NOT a doctor... pass your exam first then be a good doctor"he said. I didn't like the way he put that, i mean one can be a good medical student and still pass exams... be nice to the patients... but i guess he had his point...

I had a weird week… an exceptionally pleasantly weird week though… I met a number of ‘different’ people… and I wonder whether was it an omen… maybe, God was trying to say something… a language, I don’t quite understand yet… (then again, since when do I believe in omens?)

3 weeks had past… I’m getting used to going to the wards… the patients here are generally nice… sometimes I feel a little guilty when the patients thanked me for examining them… I mean, I should be thanking them for being my subjects… (no offence)... sometimes, knowing the problem but not being able to help much gave me a sense of helplessness...

the wards sometimes scares me… not that I’ve seen any ghost or spirits… it’s just that, seeing sick people made me treasure life even more… some diseases are very common… you may find half the patients in the wards having hypertension and diabetes mellitus! COPD, Myocardiac Infarction, Tumour – very commonly seen… there was once, i saw 5 Dengue cases in a ward!! before entering the wards, i had never anticipated these disaese to be that common... i mean sure, you know the statistic, but seeing them is another thing... and for your information, half the patients in the wards are smokers… (NEVER attempt smoking... it's bad for your lungs, vessels, heart, brain and can cause cancer in almost every part of one's body!!)

it hurts to admit that, sometimes, every doctor has his limits… you tried so hard, yet in the end, it’s all in God’s hands… then you start praying hard… last week, they had to discharge a hepatitis B patient, ‘there’s nothing else we can do’-the doctor said… and the family cried…

Sunday, April 16, 2006

COAMS #12- Bell's Palsy?

(April 16, 2006 at 10:57 PM)

Destiny is not a matter of chance,
It is a matter of choice,
It is not a thing to be waited for,
It is a thing to be achieved.
(W. Bryan)

My consultant, Dr Hamidon, said the line above. He’s a nice funny guy.

2 weeks of clinical studies have past. So, much had happened lately that I’m not sure what to blog. My ‘interesting’ wards meetings? How I met my previous boss at the orthopedic wards? How I had cramps on both legs and almost drowned? How we got miserably caught in the rain at pasar malam? What I bought at pc fair? Preparation for AMSC Hong Kong? etc… (that could take a few pages..)

ok, let me just share with you my clinical studies, you could skip the boring lines, of course ^_^. For the first month, we were divided to 4 different systems, one system each week- CNS(central nervous system), CVS(cardiovascular system), Respiratory system and the Abdomen. So, I had my CNS lessons on the 1st week, CVS on the second.

During my CNS posting, I met a patient who had Bell’s palsy, which was quite an interesting case. For the benefit of non-medical students, I’ll explain about Bell’s palsy. Bell’s palsy is a paralysis of the cranial nerve 7- the facial nerve, the essential nerve for facial expressions. Which means, to perform an examination on the 7th nerve, we need the patient to perform a series of ‘face exercise’(which was quite funny).
1. without moving your head, look upwards
2. screw or squint your eyes
3. puff your cheeks (the examiner, with his index fingers, will attempt to pop the air out of your cheeks)
4. show your teeth (grin)
Good job! I see you had excitedly examined yourself. Good, you have great facial muscles. Ok, let’s go back to the patient : Because the nerve is only effected on one side of the face, you would only see paralysis on one side of the face (eg:left side). You can obviously see the asymmetry- drooping of eyelids, drooping of the corner of the mouth, flattened nasolabial folds, smoothing of the wrinkled forehead… The patient is OK now, you can’t really see the weakness of facial muscles unless you observe carefully and perform the facial examination.

I was happily following my consultant on the wards one day when I heard someone calling my name from the back. When I turned my head, I was like –OH MY GOD! Remember I used to give tuition lessons in Rasah Jaya during my form6 break? Well, that was my boss, Mr Raj. He was admitted to the orthopedic department, MVA(motor vehicle accident) 6 years ago, now he’s back with complications-infection. He had 5 fractures and had a graft. Serious case, almost had his leg amputated, but the doctor managed to save his leg. The kid that ran into him only had a RM300 summon, while Mr Raj had suffered for years, and still is…it’s a sad world… It’s funny though that you can actually meet people you know at the hospital. It was fun chatting with him though… He was telling me how the consultant shouted at the students, and I can’t help thinking that I might be one of ‘the students’ some day … *siGh *…

Did I mention that there’s an Olympic size swimming pool at the stadium opposite my school? It’s something like the one in S2, only that it doesn’t have a deep and a shallow area. Yes, it’s deep all the way, but if I hop on my toes, I could almost emerge. Swimming was fun, it helps me think (the way writing helps me think).. except the part when I had cramps on the back of my calf, first on the right leg, then the other. The pain was so sharp, radiating upwards. I could not even bent my knees! The funny thing is, my friend, im sing who attempted to save me, grab my hand and I was like ‘let go, I can’t swim without my hands’ –haha! Oh boy, she was scared alright. CONCLUSION : 1.never forget to warm-up before swimming, 2. sexy, good-looking lifeguards are only found in Baywatch.

P/s: I was lucky I did not get admitted to the A&E department this time. Hopefully, when I left KL campus, I left the curse behind as well. The last thing I need is to be clerked by my own coursemates! *sigh *…

Friday, March 10, 2006

COAMS #10 - 1st Clinical Class

(March 10, 2006 at 08:38 AM)

I had my first clinical teaching today. I was wondering whether I should blog it, considering that it was one of the worst day of my life!! Not that I had been scolded by the consultant, somehow, they just have the ability to make one feel ant-small… perhaps even lower than an ant. And blogging this is obviously a humiliation…

I had second thoughts again, of being here. I didn’t allow those thoughts to penetrate me too deep though. Tried to dispose it at the back of my brain. Clinical years is like a huge gap, and I am certainly no Olympic champion. The fear of having to adapt has came back to haunt me. Only this time, in multiplied momentum. *sigh *…

You must be wondering, how terrible my first ward teaching turned out. Surely, it can’t be that bad. Well, it’s not that bad,.. just bad.

“Surely Wu, that’s a very weird thing to say”
“Don’t whisper. If you want to say something, just say it or else stay silent”
“You are on your own during exam. Don’t discuss”
“Not reading everything is equivalent of reading just one page”
“With this attitude, do you think I should give you any more lessons?”
blah, blah, blah….

I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t an exam. Express that if reading 90 pages out of 100 is equivalent to reading 1 page, I’ll gladly read 1 page. And to remind him that it IS part of HIS JOB to give us lessons… then again, my heart wasn’t beating at the moment, and I wasn’t strong enough to protest.

Boy, how I hate his sarcastism. His body language, the way he shake his head… Do you really have to be this tough on us? Come on, it is after all, our first day… couldn’t you be more encouraging? Then again, I tried to convince myself that perhaps, he had a bad day,.. or PMS/monopause or something…

Then again, my condition isn’t as bad as other groups. Just sad and depressing. But I’m not giving up, not yet.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


PMS (Pre Menstrual Syndrome)

Sometimes, I just don’t understand myself. I worry over petty little things, I act emotionally, then I blame it on menstruation, hormonal fluctuant and all.. Okay, let’s just say that I got all my priorities wrong! What are my priorities? What do I view important in life? Life over here is frustrating, really,.. sometimes, I just don’t get the people here, I can’t understand them.. I realized I live in a selfish world… and I can’t allow myself to be one of them, I can’t go against them, the worst thing is, I can’t talk to anyone about them… arGhhhh…. And it’s driving me mad…

The walls are getting closer, the knots are getting tighter, the air is getting denser…

I tried to look at the bigger picture, trying to understand to situation,..

Remember the time I was crazy over Ranger & The Georgian Magazine thingy? I didn’t regret over them,.. I mean The Georgian was a great success we can be proud of, but Rangers were stupid, but I did learnt a lot, experience wise… I guess at that point in time, those things were important to me.

OK, I know you are all lost, I’m like taking you on a journey that doesn’t make sense. I did have this weird dream last night though.. there was this helicopter which landed in HUKM (mind you, we actually do have a helicopter pad here)… and it (the helicopter) took me far, far away,.. and I see HUKM getting smaller and smaller from high above,.. as if the problem resolving,.. then, I woke up in my room, bummer! (imagine having the harsh reality suddenly hitting you)

My homework is piling up, running way back behind my study plan. My consultant, Mr Ismail insisted that we read 20pages a day, which at first, it seems really easy, but I am now about –200 (negative two hundred) pages behind time… *siGh *… The problem with me, I guess, is that I don’t put much priority on studies, but a hell lot on exams. That how I ended up so stressful are the exam days approaches… with the last-minute-studies and all… with the adrenaline shooting high, the endless cups of coffee and god knows how much ‘midnight oil’ I’ve burned…


‘midnight oil’ – is referring to the proverb burning the midnight oil. And the sentence I used is grammatically wrong and merely for exaggeration purposes; therefore not advisable for students to follow. Ps: Hell, the whole article is grammatically wrong anyway! Thank God Pn Chu Lai Lin(my English teacher from high school) is not here with her red ink pen.

Author's Note

Dear friends and readers, Thank you for dropping by and leaving comments/ shoutouts. More importantly, thank you for being there... please accept my apology that, lately, i may be busy with work and not have time to reply youir messages/comments, but rest assured, each and everyone is read, and highly appreciated :) have a nice day! ^^

of love

Today, i heard a story which was not a story of falling...
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
instead, it was a love story..
of a couple who did not live happily ever after...
but they live, loving each other..