Sunday, May 27, 2007

COAMS #33 - The End of the Beginning

Now, this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is perhaps, the end of the beginning... (Winston Churchill)

I had the ended this year’s orthopedics-surgery posting, starting my ophthalmology posting this week. And last week was a HELL of a week for me… not only that I was suffering from pre-exam-syndrome and pre-menstrual-syndrome; the EXAM was indeed DAMN tough!! When facing this kind of situation, I often wonder, have I not studied ‘hard enough’. Is there a ‘hard enough’ level of study? How do I put myself in a scale of 1-10? Any cures for brain freeze during exam? Very often I realized I know the answer AFTER exam, which is KILLING me, I just want to bang my head against the wall… then again, you can’t misdiagnose a patient and regret 10 years later that you actually know the diagnosis but couldn’t think of it at the point in time. Oh god, I hate the feeling,..

I decided to work harder this sem, or at least smarter, perhaps change the way I study. Yeah, no more last-minute… you’ll never know when you might get menstrual pain on the day before exam,.. and it’s really unfair that only XX gets it, and not even all XX-es…

Trust me Boon Lee, I am trying very hard to think positive… I tried following your advice, to start my day with the [I am happy today because…]… but it’s just too exhausting to fill in the blank. []... and the thoughts of having to pull myself out of bed at 7am,.. it sucks man, totally… *siGh *… guess I must really find the book – the secret. Need all the motivation I can get…

Goals provide the energy source that powers our lives. One of the best ways we can get the most from the energy we have is to focus on it. That is what goals can do for us; concentrate our energy –Denis Waitley

I really envy people who are certain of what they want, knows how to achieve it and goes all out to make it a reality!! Therefore, i shall try to make my own set of goals, it quite simple, really...

My goal : To worry about grades and not worry about passing/failing
Ever since I entered medical school, all I worried is whether I’ll pass or fail an exam. I don’t understand why I allow myself to be contented with merely passing an exam with average results. Well, it shouldn’t work that way, should it? Not that I want to be kiasu and score a string of A’s but somehow, it’s too exhausting worrying whether you’ll pass or fail after EVERY exam… it’s not that I am paranoid, but I suppose, if one have studied enough, they will be certain that they passed, and it’s just the grades that matters, and it does matters… and this sem, I will make it matter!!

As for patients, it’s not fair trying to treat them with the ‘borderline’ knowledge you have right? Perhaps, if you had been more knowledgeable or skillful, you could have diagnose his problems earlier and offer the best management earlier and giving him a better life. He is not ‘just a patient’… so, got to study for patients and not merely for exams…

Like suk teng used to say: WORK HARD, play hard!!!

(Written on May 27, 2007 at 10:12 PM)

Thursday, May 24, 2007

COAMS #32 - 0313

it's 0313am... i have 5 hours and 17 mins more for orthosurgery exam,.. my head is heavy, still have a stacked of notes in the TO-READ box, my Apley demanding for attention,.. yet i have neither the mood or energy... the facts kept bouncing away, i can feel short intervals of being conscious but not aware... BLANK... so SIEN...

drank 3 cups of coffee, can't sleep, can't read... trapped...

realised last-minute-study is not my cup of tea... vowed to work harder next posting... *siGh*... will i ever learn?

(May 24, 2007 at 12:06 PM)

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Confessions of a Medical Student #31

i tried downloading Apley's orthopeadics into my cerebrum,.. but it's currantly it is infected with an highly-resistant virus which deletes the files... - tell that to my examiner!! ...siGh... suffering from memory loss... it's not that you can cram everything within such short period of time,.. orthopeadics, urology, plasticsurg, peadiatricsurg, neurosurgery... almost impossible... but the lecturers enjoyed torturing us and forcing us to perform the impossible,.. only to disappoint themselves... oh boy, i hate exams,.. and the load you are 'suppose to know' or at least pretend you do... and save them all in accessable folders in your hard disc... you really think i am robotically capable of that? gee.. i need to get an external hard drive...

(May 20, 2007 at 02:34 AM)

Friday, May 18, 2007


The apple hanged on the tree
In the Garden on Eve
It looked sweet, I thought…
I could not resist
I dreamt of it day and night
If only I could reach.
I waited for the day
A gush of wind would come
And gravity would play its role
Sunsets replaced sunrise,
The day never arrive.
One fine day,
The wind finally came
Then I realized
The apple wears a mask

Author's Note

Dear friends and readers, Thank you for dropping by and leaving comments/ shoutouts. More importantly, thank you for being there... please accept my apology that, lately, i may be busy with work and not have time to reply youir messages/comments, but rest assured, each and everyone is read, and highly appreciated :) have a nice day! ^^

of love

Today, i heard a story which was not a story of falling...
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
instead, it was a love story..
of a couple who did not live happily ever after...
but they live, loving each other..