Showing posts with label Confessions of a medical student-3rd year. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Confessions of a medical student-3rd year. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My first appendicectomy, skin-to-skin, an awesome experience...



 This picture was from the internet. i did not take any picture intraoperatively.



It was exceptionally quiet today.
Sounds around me seemed clear. Amplified.

I clean, draped, , palpated and made the mark with the forceps. Made a silent prayer.
With the scalpel in the right hand, the Lanz incision was made.

‘Deeper’, he said, ‘Do not be afraid’ he offered words of encouragement.

Inhaling, exhaling, I made a deeper incision into the subcutaneous layer. The incision was deepened with the diathermy. Minor bleeders were 'buzz-ed' with it as well. The subcutaneous layer deepened and retracted apart.

‘Proceed’ he said, ‘Don't worry, I am here, I will assist you’ he continued, holding on to the retractor. The rectus sheath gently cut. External oblique muscles, internal oblique muscles and transverse abdominalis muscle split respectively. The peritoneal layer gently lifted.

I could see the bowels floating below. Very carefully, I felt the thin layer of peritoneum between my fingers, and gently made a nip. The peritoneum breached. Peritoneal fluid clear.

‘Now, look for the culprit’ I whisper to myself.
The small bowel stared at me. ‘No, not you’ my heart seemed to talk. The small intestines pushed aside gently with the swabstick.
Now there you are. The ceacum was smiling at me. I traced my way along the Teania Coli with the Babcock, and finally, the little mischievous appendix was there. No more running away. It was green in color, gangrenous, swollen.

‘See, this is a gangrenous appendix, impending perforation’ he commented.
Wow, I thought. ‘Don’t panic’ he said, reassuring.
‘Remember, the window of opportunity’ he said, guiding me.
‘Yes’ I nodded obediently. The artery was gently pushed through and mesoappendix clamped.
‘You know your hand-knots?’ he asked.
‘Yes’ I replied.
So, I tied them, tight and carefully.
Then the mesoappendix were snipped away from the appendix.
The base of appendix was healthy. It was crushed and clamped. Then, carefully tied. Twice.

‘Finally, the most-awaited moment’ he said, as he hand me the kidney dish with the scalpel inside.
And this is when they called it APPENDICECTOMY. He said, smiling, as I gently cut the appendix. Clean.

Phew.

The incision area was rechecked for bleeders. Dry swabbing done. Hemostasis secured.
Now, the abdomen was closed in layers. I happily sutured them, neatly, layers by layers while he started to unscrub. He remained in the room, still watching from the corner of his eyes. Offered me confidence yet ready to catch me if ever I fall.

Today, I did my first appendicectomy with Dr Mitesh, skin-to-skin.

'Appendicectomy of a gangrenous appendix in 50 minutes, with lessons in between. Not bad for a start,' he said.

And guess what??

It was the most awesome experience in my whole surgical posting and perhaps one of the notable best experience in housemanship.
I think I idolized him. Dr Mitesh.
He was the first person whom i met had the patience to teach housemen to do surgery, step by step.

First teaching, guiding them, then allowing them hands on. He guides you along the way, helps you when you are stuck and teaches you.

For that, I respect you and hope that one day, I will be just like you.

It is my dream that more and more Medical Officers and Specialist would spare some time to teach their housemen.

You know, a teacher’s contribution never ends. It continues to shine in the works of their students.

To him, I may be just another houseman, eager to learn.

For me, this is one of the most awesome moment in my life. A motivation in life. A lesson learnt. and perhaps one day, a life saved. A difference made.


13/05/2010, 1500Hour – 1550Hour, OT6.
P/s: Post operatively, The patient was later reviewed in the ward.
He was discharged well, happy, ambulating and tolerating well orally. Wound clean.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little history about appendicectomy:
The first successful appendectomy was done in Davenport, Iowa in 1885 by Dr. William West Grant. The patient was Mary Gartside, age 22.




Footnote:
Acute Appendicitis - acute inflammation of the appendix, a life threatening condition. If ruptures, may result in perforation, sepsis and death.

Appendicectomy or Appendectomy - a surgical procedure in which the appendix is removed


p/ss: i've heard of my stories of bomoh removing stones via magical way. Just a thought, somehow they have not figure out a magical way to remove the appendix, have they? haha... obviously, you can't just pick up appendix from the roadside, can you?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

COAMS #11 - 1st week of Clinical Practice

(April 16, 2006 at 10:55 PM)


Being a Libran made me indecisive,
To live life with many “WHAT IFs…”
Sometimes, decision, once made is beyond rectification,
And most often, I wish to go back in time,
To travel the road not taken,
Yet somehow, I come to realize, this is not possible
-------------------------------------------------------------------

My first week of clinical studies had just past. You’ll probably wonder how is it like, finally having the real hands-on experience. I’m not sure whether to describe it in a happy tone or otherwise. Had been rather emotionally unstable last week, perhaps side effect from the new environment. The fear of having to adapt had came to haunt me again.

Ok, you probably want to hear more about how it is like, being in the clinics… is it anything like what you see on TV? Not really,.. imagine, a group of students(say approximately 10) follows a doctor around the ward, laying 11 pairs of eyes on your abdomen, giving comments like, why is his abdomen so big? And words like- liver cirrhosis, jaundice, stroke, cancer, etc starts popping out between lines….

First week is not a peek of what one will be doing in the future. In fact, it IS what I will be doing… and I can’t just say, “it’s my job..” especially when decisions, in this case involves people’s life! I am really impressed with the doctors here, they are like some walking encyclopedia… in fact better still, as they are capable to update themselves with new inputs, compare the patients with old cases, decide on the diagnosis and treatment, and even predict the outcome (prognosis)!!

I guess it’s always easier when one believes that – everything happens for a reason… To strongly feel that everything is God’s will… everything is meant to be… everything is destined… that way, most people would not feel bad or over-responsible of all the decisions made…(which you might think is a very selfish belief) Some people believe in being possessed, cursed, or charmed. Sometimes, when unexplainable things are done, and really, I can’t understand why I did them. So, I was like –WHAT THE HECK!! - Was I possessed? Nahhh… So, I live to regret…

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

COAMS #29 - Electives & me...

(January 17, 2007 at 07:31 AM)

I have not been blogging for nearly a month now. Have not been writing. I made a point not to post complains but I end up posting nothing.(again!) Gee… I can be quite a difficult person, living a life full of complains,.. I can blame not just ANYONE, but practically ANYTHING… however ridiculous… and I am indeed in need of the ‘writing therapy3’ again, the need to expel ones’ lungs, shout till ones’ vocal cords sore and well, complain endlessly… (no, it’s not PMS1 or PES2)

Currently, I am having my elective posting in Seremban General hospital. Elective posting is great,(so far so good), and it’s not irritating me now- no complains. But I wonder whether writing therapy helps when you write about unrelated issues…(issues other that what’s bothering me) let me try and experiment here… Besides, I should blog a bit about elective posting or it will seem as if I either hate my posting too much; or I am too busy to blog (which I am not); or I have no internet access (which is not true as I online practically everyday). Well, it’s neither of the above. And I have no reason to ignore the existence of this chapter of my life.

The beginning of posting was tough, I mean being the ONLY elective posting student here. I was haunted with questions like – why the HELL did I choose to post here? What am I suppose to do? Where should I go? – kind of L-O-S-T and sure enough I went thru the 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression…

Let’s pretend I am in HUKM, and I meet an elective posting student, say from IMU who stays in Cheras and chose to do her elective here alone. Well, the first thing I would think of is the person is either extremely attached to home/something/someone; or is an anti-social freak; or an insane-stressed-out-medical-student-with-no-life…, which doesn’t fit me entirely! (I am not an AS4, am I?)

I was attached to a very nice HO5, Dr Shima during my medical posting. Yeah, she’s nice but very ‘unmotivating’ though…

[Don’t have to come so early to hospital…]
[relax and enjoy your elective posting…]
[actually, there’s not much activity in the afternoon. I did my elective in this hospital too, I usually go back after lunch]
[what? You are here on a public holiday?]
[Dr Najib: I was practically absent during the whole of my posting, ha-ha!]
~as usual, it was hangat-hangat tahi ayam6 at first, then my semangat7 level gradually fell like a downhill slope

I basically take blood, observe procedures and follow ward rounds, ‘chat’ with patients, attend CME, seminars, hang out at the HO rooms and observe the politics etc… I meet Yen Wei, a pharmacist in my ward who is very nice and hanged out with her gang.

I got my evaluation form signed on the 2nd week and I am basically FREE to do ANYTHING!! (am I smart or am I smart?) Yeay! I made myself less guilty by convincing myself that elective posting is actually a holiday in disguise.. only that the university need to pacify passionate people who cannot survive a month of break without going to the hospital… (which is a silly theory) (okay, maybe I’m just hopelessly lazy)

When I entered surgical posting, I met the IMU students and Suni8. (remember Sunihaliza Sulaiman from KGV last time?) So, I tag along them, and she kinda smuggled me into a couple of their classes. Then, all the sudden, things started to make sense and the semangat rises again. Her coursemates are really fun, cool, very friendly and welcoming. And I get to discuss stuffs other than demographical data9. Finally!!

My semangat level was kinda fluctuating,.. there are days where it’s too busy for lunch , and other days where I just don’t bother… Today I saw 4 surgeries at OT10 which is entirely insane! (insane, not referring to the surgery, but me standing till I think I might have varicose veins11 and exopthalmus) Then, saw a quite painful MMG(mammogram) and then went to the wards. oh yes, Charjini, an elective student studying in Melbourne joined Seremban GH yesterday, which kind of explains my sudden peak of semangat, coz she memang very semangat, and I get influenced easily, haha!

The OT today is very interesting. Let me share with you one of them. There was this 3 days old baby with imperforated anus12. The poor little baby was attached to so many tubes and wires. It pained me to see him, he looked like a machine, some sort of a robot… When the surgeon performed the surgery, he incidently found out that the baby has NO colon! NO transverse colon, NO ceacum, NO sigmoid colon, NO descending colon!! There were just loops of small intestine, a blind ascending colon and a blind rectum. Wow! The small intestine ends at the terminal ileum. A stoma was made. Can you believe a 3 day old baby have to live with a stoma15 for the rest of his life? It’s so sad, really… Later that afternoon, I see him in the wards where he was sleeping quite peacefully… I wonder how is he going to face school life, will he be isolated or labeled a ‘freak’? Adults can understand, but small kids, do they?

Wow! This has been a long blog. I haven’t explain how I gained acceptance though… Well, I realized that if I have not been in Seremban, and have been posting with my friends somewhere else, say with May Luu in Sabah16, there would be a lot of things I couldn’t do… okay, maybe not a lot of things, basically just one – AMSA/EAMSC13 stuffs- paper report, contacting other delegates, making sure things are in order, monitoring the progress of poster, cultural, etc, getting the namecards done, arranging stuffs, online meetings, finance work, etc… work, work, work… well, everything happens for some reason… I wonder where the commitment and dedication comes from… sometimes, I wonder, if I could just channel this semangat into passion towards medicine, I might actually be a much better medical student…. And I learnt that one doesn’t appreciate what other people do for them until they actually experienced it (the hard work) themselves…

Besides, being in Seremban, at least I get to catch Johann Strauss14 New Year’s Concert conducted by John Georgiadis which is really amazingly, marvelously breathtaking, and worth everything… don’t you agree, ze? And guess what? We’ve got Premier seats for just RM10!! *wink *

I should really mark the full-stop. I suppose those who are reading this has line has very high tolerance to boredom. So, I guess, my ability to write ‘fai wa’ (crap in Chinese) is still there. Well, some things never change, do they?


Footnotes:
1. PMS= Pre-Menstrual Syndrome
2. PES=Pre-Exam Syndrome
3. ‘writing therapy’= writing used to be a therapy for me, it helps me think, the way swimming and listening to music helps… sleeping, however, don’t help me think, but simply helps me to temporary forget and unacknowledged the problem, ignoring it…
4. AS=Anti-Social (not Aortic Stenosis)
5. HO= House Officer / Houseman / the lowest rannking medical staff in the hospital (excluding medical students)
6. hangat-hangat tahi ayam = a Malay proverb meaning strongly motivated only at the begining
7. semangat = spirit, in this context referring to strong self-motivation, commitment, dedication
8. Suni = Sunihaliza Sulaiman, my high school friend who is now doing her surgical posting in IMU 6th semester. Very nice friend.
9. demographical data = Name, Age, School, etc
10. OT = Operating Theather
11. Varicose Veins = Dilatation of superficial veins, one reason is due to long standing hours and valves defect.
12. Exopthalmus= Eyes appearing as if ‘popping’ out.
13. Imperforated anus = a condition where the gut and bowel opening is not patent causing the patient to lose the ability to evacuate feces.
14. AMSA = Asian Medical Student Association
EAMSC= East-Asian Medical Student Conference
15. Johann Strauss = a classical composer. Pizzicato Polka(Josef & Johann Strauss) is my favorite where all the strings are plucked!-really cute! Im Krapfenwaldl Polka, Furiouso Polka and Gipsy Baron Overture are great too! Other famous dance pieces are Radetzky March, Emperor Waltz and Blue Danube.
16. Stoma = an opening of the intestine to the abdominal wall. In most simple terms, you see shit coming out to your abdomen wall/skin instead of the usual normal route via anus.
17. Sabah = A state in East Malaysia, part of Borneo Island.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

COAMS #28 - An Indecisive Libran

Considering me being an indecisive libran,
making a decision, having a stand,
is never easy,

Finally being able to hold on to what i believe,
fighting for it,
and actually winning it,
but somehow things don't work out...
i wonder,
is it fate? or simply my stubborness...
religious believers call them 'tests and challenges from God'
to some others, it's just bad luck,
to me, i just feel silly, dumb,
i wished someone would just say,
'you did the right thing'
instead of 'you did what you think was right'
although sometimes, there really isn't any right or wrong,
and i wonder all the efforts,
all for nothing...
and sometimes, i just gave up...

Everything happens for some reason,
God has fooled me, again...

(November 26, 2006 at 07:21 AM)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

COAMS #27 - Everyone faces exams

(November 23, 2006 at 06:04 PM)

i realise that everyone faces exams, whether your are 3rd year (like me), 4th year, 5th year, being a registra, going for specialisation, etc... Even when you are no longer a student, only that they don't call them exams anymore- being job interviews, promotion, hitting the target, meeting expectations,.. they are all actually some form of exams, seeing how far you can go, how high you can reach.. only that exams have a fix date... oh well...

i am not saying that exams are all bad though... i mean, they ARE there for some REASON... stress is good,.. to a certain extend, when under control... with stress, you get all the adrenaline pumping which actually pushes you beyond your imagination... sometimes, i do wonder how did i manage to burn the midnight oil, reading pages after pages, a chain coffee-addict i am during my pre-clinical years... perhaps, it's the norm around here... either you work or die...

note that i used the word [did]- past tense...

exams is coming up in a week's time.. stress is building,.. i am trying to convince myself that this is a normal process, and after that, everything will be fine...

there is really so much more to life besides exams... but if you take life one at a day, and ignore exams, you probably wouldn't be so ambitious anyway...

the secret to success, if any, is total commitment...

(which explains why i was never successful, haha!)


p/s: yesterday was a 'good' hair day (do you call it 'good hair day'?).. i decided to be a doctor who is nice to patients and med students when i graduate,.. that is IF i graduate... Dr Shakee was awesome! sometimes, a doctor can make one's day... without realising how much they influences goes ;)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

COAMS #26 - complains and more complains

(November 16, 2006 at 02:12 AM)

When will I stop complaining?

I can’t help it, really. Today’s another one of those [bad-hair-day].. or rather [bad-hair-week].. I feel terrible, in fact, I looked terrible…

I had abdominal pain last Tuesday,.. went to the A&E department and had to answer a list of really annoying questions like: where EXACTLY is the pain? Where is the maximal intensity? Does it radiate anywhere? Any rebound tenderness? How is the nature of the pain? Colicky? Sharp? Dull? Cramping?? ArGGGGHhhhhhh…….. Although I am a medical student, being a really really SICK medical student, I really can’t be bothered.. Inside of me was just shouting, HELL,SKIP THE QUESTIONS AND JUST GIVE ME ALL THE PAIN KILLERS YOU’VE GOT!! Ironic huh? How you understand why patients can get real annoyed.. The worst thing was when the HO (House Officer) open her book of drug list and ask me what drug i want... hah!


I tried to start my day with a smile,
Tried to convince myself that today will be a fine day,
Yet,.. today is still as yesterday...

Today’s really not my day…
i'm having emotional fluctuation,
having menstrual pain
had acute gastro enteritis
on top of that, i'm suffering from PRE-EXAM-SYNDROME
and i got INK-ed today...
and my precious handphone got a spot.
i should be enjoying myself at Genting with BoonLee and Audrey now,
but i'm stucked here, *siGh*...
and i've got class at 7am tomorrow...

well, somethings never change...
when will i ever stop complaining... =P

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

COAMS #25- The 5 Stages Of Dying

(October 18, 2006 at 08:16 AM)
5 stages of dying
DENIAL

ANGER

BARGAINING

DEPRESSION

ACCEPTANCE


at medical school, i was told that the above are the 5 stages of dying,.. but, i personally think that it applies to our everyday life...

i remember Morrie once said(in Tuesday with Morrie by Mitch Albom) - it is okay to feel sad. allow yourself to fully experience the depression, and then get over it. sometimes, i wake up in the morning feeling sad, but i only allow an hour of sadness and nothing more...- well, not exactly a quote, but more or less so...

but sometimes, we tend to get stuck in the depression stage for a very very long time... and we try to aviod the feelings, push them away... i guess, unless we allow depression to penetrate fully, we will never reach acceptance, and the cycle repeats itself...


Footnotes: Tuesday with Morrie is a novel by Mitch Albom which i highly recommand! it's about his palliative journey in facing death.. journey to the coffin... how he faced the days as he withers,.. yet managed to touch so many hearts and changed so many lives... a teacher whose works live forever...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

COAMS #23- if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)

(September 21, 2006 at 03:47 AM)
if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)



life over here is,.. ermm.. well...

i have exams next monday and wednesday, you guys really have to pray for me lehh... it's driving me mad... i'm desperate for a good case, a good examiner, and a easy pass... i'm so desperate that i made a deal with God to go on a 3-day vegetarian diet if i pass.. one week if i get good results... which is a big deal for me, coz i don't really fancy veggies... in fact, i hate green leafy stuffs!

btw, did i tell you that my mum actually called me to tell me study facing the east? better feng shui, she said.. perhaps that explains why i'm not getting it!

anyway, i have been panicking over exams for the past few weeks,.. that somehow, i felt that i have exhausted myself... at one point, i just felt like , hey, i don't wanna give a damn... and watching [the click] certainly didn't help... i thought it would improve my mood, you know, with the comedy and all... but i just felt like packing all my stuffs and go straight home.. forget about exams and all, CAN I?

i shall make this my last blog for me to complain over exams,.. it's exhausting and i guess it's about time i simply grow out of it and blog bout other meaningful thing... till then, oh well...

i'll be back next week, have half a week break,.. very very short break,... who's back besides audrey? yeah, audrey, i'm sorry to hear bout pipi... don't worry, she's just closer to God...

hey people, come back for the weekend la! it's hard to gather people nowadays, i don't know why... tight schedules, commitments, distance increases over time... even the mails and messages reduces over time.. oh well, who can i blame?

life goes on...

oh yes, pong, nice to hear that you are taking creative writing...i'm so jealous... no, please don't remind me of those classic 'rain' stuff..haha!! remember your classic 'white' story? those were the days... i feel like writing too, but somehow, couldn't.. don't know why... you know what? i actually missed English classes... no, not Pn Chu's class la.. but i guess i missed Mrs Lim Swee Boon and Mr Fredderick.. missed writing, having English games, and doing literature...even spelling is fun with Mr Fredderick! those were the days...

if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)

am i ready to commit? are you ready to commit?

Friday, September 15, 2006

COAMS #22- keep running

(September 15, 2006 at 02:35 AM)

i woke up today wondering,
gee, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE?
it the kinda feeling,..
being out of control,
totally losing it..
being a slave to your books and EXAMS-the almighty...
'study or die, study or die, study or die'...
feeling guilty spending time on the little things you once like..
the air is unusually dense,
the wards are unusually foreign,
you lost the sense of belonging,
but there's no escape,
it's like running in a dark tunnel,
you can't see what's happening,
don't know what to do,
only having a glimpse of light in front,
and survival instinct tells you to keep running...
keep running, keep running...

Friday, September 1, 2006

i hate exams

i hate exams

i hate exams

i hate exams

and i really do...

it's really tiring, you know

a cycle that never ends

and you wonder

will i ever exhauste myself

and you question

am i ever strong enough

is this what i really what

what do i really what?

questions left unanswered

and the cycle repeats itself

i hate exams

i hate exams

i hate exams

oh boy, how i hate exams!

Saturday, August 26, 2006

COAMS #21- Unspoken Words...

(August 26, 2006 at 10:59 AM)

when so little can be said, yet so much could be understood...

i clerked a deaf and mute patient this morning it was tough and challenging but he was really nice and had so much patience we had to communicate via a piece of paper it was not easy for me you see, he had a limited english vocabulary i on the other hand, cannot write chinese i am amaze of how much we can communicated, even without voices... just writings and body language it was an unusual experience nothing is impossible, my friend... look forward to visiting him again on monday i wish to learn hand language some day....

Sunday, August 20, 2006

bad luck #6!

(August 20, 2006 at 12:49 AM)
This had indeed INDEED INDEED be my UNLUCKI-EST week!!!



Guess what? Remember, I once said that my cell phone is officially DEAD?? Well, my friend was so nice to lend me hers… the thing is, on my way home from Bandar Tasik Selatan Commuter Station to Seremban, her phone (which I borrowed) got stolen!! Darn those PICKPOCKETS!!


aarrrgGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


what the HELL is happening with my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





I wonder whether does it has anything to do with it being the seventh month of the Chinese calendar…


i went to this siamist temple 2 days ago, it gives me a feeling of serenity....


need to get new phone.... any recommadation?? considering SE k700i...

i heard the AP is around rm900,.. but according to boonlee, around rm500+ also can find ... hmm.. must really look around....

RELATED LINKS:
COAMS #20- MOST unlucky week!

COAMS #20- MOST unlucky week!

(August 20, 2006 at 12:13 AM)

This has indeed been my MOST UNLUCKY week!



1. For the first time in this semester, I’m so grateful that I stayed on the ground floor of the hostel, with the room closest to the entrance of the block. You see, I twisted my ankle last night. AGAIN! (you don’t have to shout that). Missed a step, learned a big lesson – never sms while walking, and yeah, choose a room at the ground floor, always, you can forget the crap about the scenic view and all… It’s much better now, took so much painkillers that I think I’m killing my liver now.. * siGh*…the funniest thing is people in the hospital keep staring at me.. I guess you don’t usually find people in white-coats limping around… I must have looked so silly! :P and I had to smile back and specify, ‘sprained my ankle’, as their facial expression demanded an explanation… don’t feel like going to the wards, partially because of that, the other half because it hurts, especially when you go up stairs,.. Can’t perfom the dorsiflex or plantarflex thing without pain… arGGhhhhh….


2. Sadly, my luckiness didn’t stop there. Guess what? The longest arm of my watch fell (the ‘second’ needle).. that’s what happen when you get a cheap watch. Well, this kind of thing shouldn’t bother me, you might wonder, considering, I still can see the time with the ‘hour’ and ‘minute’ hands. It’s just that, now, I have a problem counting the pulse rates and respiratory rates… * siGh *…


3. Thirty, my handphone has OFFICIALLY loss it’s function. Before this, I only had problems with the joystick, occasionally send message wrongly and have difficulties is typing and punching the numbers. Now, the WHOLE keypad is SPOILT! Can’t even switch on the phone. That’s not the worse thing. The thing is, smart little me saved my contacts in the phone, so now, I cannot access the numbers. So, is you are reading this, do send me a sms and tell me who are you. If you are kind enough, sms the other friends’ number too la.. (eg: pong, if you are reading this, do sms shinloo, Audrey, boon lee, ze, etc number too la…; p/s: I use pong as an example coz I’m certain she reads my blog, oh well..)


4. Bad luck number #4: I dropped my matrix card! And I can’t get a new card in HUKM. Have to go back to the KL campus for a new card. The thing is, the office there is only open on office hours and not open on weekends. And with this sprained ankle, I don’t even feel like going there.


5. My IMU friend May who when to AMSC Hong Kong conference with me was so kind to bring the cd containing our group pictures to HUKM for me… it is so nice of her… however, I can’t open the CDs!! Tried on a few computers and still failed.. * siGh *… how lerrr….


6. is there a bad luck number #6? Hope not…




What can one do to remove bad luck? Recently, my friend’s wallet got stolen. I wonder whether bad luck is a transmittable epidemic... * siGh *… perhaps I have to compensated for the good luck I had before this (not that I’ve been lucky)… have you ever that this feeling at the beginning of the day or week, something really good happened and you feel lucky the whole day or week… vice versa,.. this week is bad luck week… I can only be thankful that it’s not exam week. Maybe I’ve sinned and this is punishment… (what have I done wrong?) or maybe, I’m cursed… (nahhh… I don’t believe in curses… )




P/s: recently, I had a comment that my blog is too difficult to understand. Sometimes, too long and unrelated (the intro and the ending). Hmm… I’m not sure how can I improve on that… I haven’t been using any bombastic words.. maybe, I’ll try to include footnotes for medical terms ^_^ Do excuse me for my terrible English which Pn Chu Lai Lin would probably correct them in reds.. I am still insisting that university life had killed my English…




Footnotes:

1.dorsiflex/plantarflex = flexing your feet at the ankle joint.

2.Pn Chu Lai Lin = my form6 English teacher who is capable to correct one’s English anytime, anywhere. She is capable of ANYTHING, if you know what I mean… Georgians would understand…

3. Georgians = students from SMK King George V, Seremban. (I’m proud to be a Georgian!)


RELATED LINKS:
Bad luck #6

Friday, August 4, 2006

COAMS #18 - TSOL

(04/08/2006)

It’s a long time since I last blogged… there’s so much I want to write.. there’s so much I want to share,.. but at this point in time… I’m in the [Audrey,-I’m-tired] mood…. (p/s: I used to complain to my zhi mui Audrey when I’m tired, so much so that I used the term – Audrey, I’m tired – so often it becomes a natural expression, well, it’a a long story…)


A flash back of my life…


I had 2 weeks of holiday…
Spend the last week of my holiday touring hong kong,..
Skipped 1 week of class to attend a conference in Hong Kong

,..

Came back last Sunday,

Attended 1 week of class…

And today’s Friday…




Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the hong kong trip, the conference was swell!! I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t want to get back…




My second week of medicine posting just past, I’m still as blur as ever… I guess everything takes time to adapt,.. and in my case, I usually take a longer time to adapt… I really envy my friends who could just get back on track, knowing what to do, and doing it… JUST DO IT!!




Perhaps, I’m suffering from withdrawal symptoms - when fun and relaxation is withdrawn, and you fall back to the harsh reality… and when you are depressed, redundant, and end up complaining non-stop, time flies, unforgiving…




Mind you, Medicine posting is the toughest posting in 3rd year and the failing rates are significant. There’s so much of (should-do) yet so little time… I know, it’s childish, complaining over facts,.. Things that cannot be changed…




But sometimes, you put all your strength and energy, but things still don’t work out… then you just simply feel, TIRED… then you question – what’s the point anyway,.. then you look for ‘the purpose’.. then you are back at the starting point… then the whole process repeats itself… other time, you just doubt that’s your very best….




Really, I don’t know what the hell have I crapped… but, Audrey, I’m still tired… tired and tsol…

COAMS #19 - TSOL

(August 04, 2006 at 12:09 AM)

It’s a long time since I last blogged… there’s so much I want to write.. there’s so much I want to share,.. but at this point in time… I’m in the [Audrey,-I’m-tired] mood…. (p/s: I used to complain to my zhi mui Audrey when I’m tired, so much so that I used the term – Audrey, I’m tired – so often it becomes a natural expression, well, it’a a long story…)


A flash back of my life…


I had 2 weeks of holiday…
Spend the last week of my holiday touring hong kong,..
Skipped 1 week of class to attend a conference in Hong Kong,..

Came back last Sunday,
Attended 1 week of class…
And today’s Friday…


Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the hong kong trip, the conference was swell!! I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t want to get back…


My second week of medicine posting just past, I’m still as blur as ever… I guess everything takes time to adapt,.. and in my case, I usually take a longer time to adapt… I really envy my friends who could just get back on track, knowing what to do, and doing it… JUST DO IT!!


Perhaps, I’m suffering from withdrawal symptoms - when fun and relaxation is withdrawn, and you fall back to the harsh reality… and when you are depressed, redundant, and end up complaining non-stop, time flies, unforgiving…


Mind you, Medicine posting is the toughest posting in 3rd year and the failing rates are significant. There’s so much of (should-do) yet so little time… I know, it’s childish, complaining over facts,.. Things that cannot be changed…


But sometimes, you put all your strength and energy, but things still don’t work out… then you just simply feel, TIRED… then you question – what’s the point anyway,.. then you look for ‘the purpose’.. then you are back at the starting point… then the whole process repeats itself… other time, you just doubt that’s your very best….


Really, I don’t know what the hell have I crapped... but, Audrey, I’m still tired... tired and tsol...

COAMS #18 - Withdrawal Symptoms



The wards were unusually quite today
Most patients seemed occupied
I walked from one bed to another
I drifted from one ward to another
I wasn’t sure what was I observing
There was this foreign feeling
I don’t belong here


Being away for some time
I guess I had the bed-side-phobia
Not sure of where to start
Not sure of how to begin
I watched the other student clerk
I observed the doctor work
Yet, I walked from one bed to another,
I drifted from one ward to another


A minute past, a couple of hours flew
I walked from one bed to another
I drifted from one ward to another


The end of the week have arrive,
I’m still at the starting point,
God knows what filled the gap


I walked from one bed to another
I drifted from one ward to another


(August 04, 2006 at 12:05 AM)

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

COAMS #16- Fear of the Psychiatric wards

(June 27, 2006 at 08:09 AM)

i can't help feeling a little terrified of the psychiatric wards... it gives me a rather eerie feeling... very disturbing...

imagine, patient gripping your hands in fear, asking you not to leave,..telling you of the music she heard... the voices... asking you what to do.. you listen,.. you comfort... you give all the empathy you can afford,.. you can't leave for class... you can't leave for home.. you just can't leave...

patients walking in circles,.. limited facial expression,.. he stares straight at you...

patients responding to their hallucinated friend...

patients holding you with their icy cold hands,.. in fear...

the wards can be very depressing and scary... disturbing...

oh God... i really must learn how to face these patients...

the clinics are much better, patients are almost normal... like anyone you see off the street... like i said before, 'i believe that everyone, at some point in life, have a certain degree of mental disorder'... this is an opinion, not a delusion(fixed false belief)...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

COAMS #17 @ Medicine Rotations

Date : 14062006 (1930pm)
Mood : Sometimes, one convince oneself so much that one can’t tell what is real and what is not…

I wrote my diary today. Hasn’t done that for the past 3 months, which is a big deal for me, considering my unstable emotional fluctuant. Sometimes, I feel that filling up the pages of a diary is like a therapy. It helps me think, the way music and sports make people think.

Today, my lecturer said something about anxiety. It was quite personal as I had the similar episode before, to the extend that I was rushed to the Hospital Kuala Lumpur. But of course, during that time I didn’t realize that it was anxiety. I was hyperventilating and had peripheral paraesthesia - fingers numbness. I was pretty convinced at that point that I had another asthmatic attack. My friend believed that the 2 pitiful prawns I had for dinner after blood donation had triggered it. Indeed, I was so annoyed when the doctor at A&E Dept kept asking me whether I am stressed, about my exams, etc… In fact, I kept insisting that I’m ‘UNDER’-STRESSED, meaning having too little stress, having stress level lower that I should… oh God… I can be such a ‘difficult’ patient, sometimes… to think that I’m form Med school.. haha!

That’s not the main point. The thing is, Datin Norella said today that when people faces a problem, very often, they may try to channel their problem towards something else, something more manageable, like being sick. When one is sick, one sees a doctor, one take medication, one gets well, full stop! The problem is, she didn’t tell me how to treat the problem… * siGh *… I mean, I know how to treat anxiety, hyperventilation, metabolic alkalosis etc… but how to you prevent going into anxiety? Stop med school?

I don’t feel well today. But I clearly know I am not sick. It’s just a feeling, not feeling good. One of those days you feel that it’s your ‘bad-hair-day’.. but you can’t really tell why…

It’s the fourth week of my Medicine posting (which, supposing is the toughest and scariest posting in the entire year). I’m like half way through, yet I feel that it has just begun. I’m not sure whether I am stressed or am I lacking stress. I want to have a healthy amount of stress, I know that I SHOULD be stressed, I NEED TO BE STRESSED, only then I would start pushing myself and induce adrenaline production. Until then, I’m in the –I-AM-TOO-LAZY-AND-I-DON’t-GIVE-A-DAMN- state…. *siGh *… it’s sad right? Having med student like me? Maybe I need self-motivational books.. I wonder, is there a [MEDICINE-FOR-DUMMIES] book.. Hmm…


Sometimes, one convince oneself so much that one can’t tell what is real and what is not…

Thursday, June 1, 2006

hostel horrors

I missed home. I haven’t talked much about the hostel here, have I? Lately, they are having this ‘rondaan malam’ thing in my hostel. Why, you may ask. Well, there were cases, I heard. Some psycho has been wondering around in the girls hostel. Let me share with you the story I heard. I’ll write it from the persona point of view.

0256am – finally, I’ve completed my assignment! Last minute work. Turned off the lights and crawled under the warm blankets. Bummer, I forgotten to lock the main door, arGh... can’t be bothered,..

I thought I heard someone calling. Am I dreaming? I must be. The mourning starts getting unusually louder. Is it from the next door? I was not sure. People around here don’t sleep, huh? I thought.

‘adik’ a soft whisper came from my window. I saw the silhouette of a man, short, spiky hair. Oh my God, I must be studying so hard that I am imagining things. Exams do things to people. ‘adiiiik’ he continued calling, this time louder. Okay, maybe I’m not dreaming. I figure someone is looking for the next door neighbour. Curious, I inched towards my window and peeped through the curtains. There was this young Indian man, dressed neatly in checkered shirt.

I stepped back. Shock, fright, fear, horror – the emotions filled my head so fast I couldn’t register. I need help. I need to get out of here. I can’t breath.

He continued mourning, gradually louder and louder. I need to call someone, anyone. But my cell phone is just next to the window. Go away, I shouted, but the words couldn’t come out. I hid at the corner of my room. Pulled the blanket over my head. Cupped my hands over my ears. Prayed for him to go away… go away..

So, that was the story I heard. The Malay girl reported the case- a stranger masturbating by her window in the middle of the night. So, the hostel is no longer safe. Creepy huh?

p/sss: if again you might be wondering, NO, i haven't had any encounter with that creapy guy and hopefully never will.

Thursday, May 4, 2006

COAMS #15 -AMSA Activities

(May 04, 2006 at 08:12 PM)

Since AMSA (the Asian Medical Student Association) has already been a part of me, I guess it’s only fair that I blog at least a little of it here.

We had this jumble sale last month, at HUKM. It went on quite well… better than expected… yet, there are still rooms for improvement. What’s a jumble sale?- you may ask,,, well, it’s like a garage sale, only that it’s not in a garage… sort of like a junkyard sale, well, not exactly though, junkyard made it sound very bad, unwanted… it’s more of like selling stuffs contributed by people… like old clothes, books, souvenirs, toys, teddies, things collecting dust at the corner of your house, stored for ages in your storerooms/attics, etc Bottom line: if you do have stuffs to contribute, there’s this jumble sale coming up in end of May and end of June. Keep those ‘junks’ for me ya!! ^_^ contact me and we’ll arrange something… (to seremban ppl-i can try to pick the stuffs from your house ^_^)

On the other hand, we had a Clinical Booth at Berjaya Times Square last week. It was fun! Well, at least I had fun, I think. I enjoyed checking BP(Blood Pressure). There was this guy who had a BP as high as 180/140!! I realized that many among the public have a history of hypertension, mostly on medication. Approximated 30% of the people I examined had raised BP or are on hypertension medication. Hypertension, no big deal, you may think… but don’t underestimate it. It is one of the major risk factor for heart failure, hyperlipidemia, and to the extreme extend – stroke! Like the name implies, stroke comes suddenly, unexpected, unpredictable. The next thing you know, you’ll find one side of your body paralysed. Scary huh? I’m trying to get my parents and relatives to quit smoking and reduce their coffee intake. It’s tough to ask mum to drink not more than 1 cup of coffee each day when I myself, is a caffeine-addict who sometimes takes up to 3 cups per night. *sigh *… thou do not do as thou preach…

Author's Note

Dear friends and readers, Thank you for dropping by and leaving comments/ shoutouts. More importantly, thank you for being there... please accept my apology that, lately, i may be busy with work and not have time to reply youir messages/comments, but rest assured, each and everyone is read, and highly appreciated :) have a nice day! ^^

of love

Today, i heard a story which was not a story of falling...
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
instead, it was a love story..
of a couple who did not live happily ever after...
but they live, loving each other..