Thursday, January 31, 2008

COAMS #41 - i met a bitch today

A patient spoilt my mood today. Correction: she was not even a patient; she was just the friend of the patient.

For the first time, I was called a liar. Which was bad, really bad. And I didn’t lie, obviously.

The patient’s queue was long today, as usual. Which government clinic is not anyway? So, I was in the mood to clerk a new case this morning, so ya, I saw this uncle, and was introducing myself to him. Well, don’t get me wrong, the uncle was really, really nice, and very co-operative. It’s just the bitch who brought him here whom I really wish to curse like mad.

I don’t usually label people as bitch, in fact, I had never labeled anyone this way all my life, but she, the women, she was really bitchy, that lady.

So, ya, after the introduction, before the uncle can respond to me, the bitch said to him in hokkien, “she is just a student, you do not have to talk to her’, and shooed me away with her glances. Well, forgivable. I mean, I respect patient’s rights, patients do not have to be co-operative.

But, the uncle was very nice. Sure, sure, he said excitedly. And we had a great chat. I clerked the him, and he even told me bout this church and his family. Later, I took his file in, and yeah, he waited for his turn patiently.

Not long later, the bitch came knocking impatiently about why is it taking so long. I don’t know why I took the trouble to explain to her and reassure her that his turn will be soon.

Then later, she knocked again. I reassure her that his turn will be next.

After that, she knocked again, and called me a liar in front of like 30 over patients, and was making a hell of a noise. ‘how can a doctor lie? You said he was the next patient, and how come the other patient get to go in first?’ I tried to explain to her that

1. I did not lie. There were 2 doctors running the clinic but sharing a room, and he was indeed the next patient on the list. Anyway, the patient who when into the room was like 2 numbers before him, anyway.
2. I am not a doctor
3. I was just being nice. I do not have to be here, talking to you, explaining to you.
4. The patient was not even complaining, who the hell are you?
5. And if you can’t wait, go to the private sector!!!
(Wait, they actually came from the private sector to the government sector, because of some recommendation from a friend.)

But, well, I didn’t get a chance to explain as she just shouted out ‘I don’t want to hear anything anymore’. Which was very embarrassing. I wanted so much to say it in her face, give her a piece of my mind, but somehow, I couldn’t. And so, i swallowed everything down, tell myself, ‘you do not have to lower yourself down to her level’, ignore her and when back into the room.

Later, other patients started knocking at the door, complaining bout the slow speed. And I found out that the bitch was postulating about how medical student slowed the clinic, that we were having ‘teaching sessions’ in the clinic. Which made me really mad, because the fact was:

1. we were actually speeding up the clinic as we were helping the doctors to take history
2. we were speeding up the clinic by being translators
3. we were speeding up the clinic by helping the doctor check the vital signs, doing physical examinations, writing MCs, running clinic errands, etc
4. and no, we were not paid to do this, and it is not compulsory for us to do this. All this is sort of like volunteer job. In fact, we pay to get into medical school. And hey, we are not complaining, are we?
5. and even IF the doctor was giving teaching sessions, we deserve it because THIS IS A TEACHING CLINIC. HUKM is a teaching hospital. It suppose to be this way. And we student weren’t even demanding or complaining.
6. HUKM was build for UKM students. Without students, you think there’ll even be this place? Pleasseeee.....

So ya, I was really mad at the bitch. On top of that, I was bearing my menstrual pain, and yet she was really torturing me mentally, emotionally. ‘patience, shinyin’, I told myself, and explained to the other patients that there were shortage of doctor, and apologized for the delay.

So when finally, it was uncle’s turn, I went out, called his name, and waited. The bitch said that he was in toilet. It’s okay, we’ll wait, I said. (God knows why was I still being polite and nice) She added, ‘It’s all your fault! He wait until he had to go to the toilet!!’ I just stared back in disbelief, thinking: since when people going to the toilet becomes my fault. Superbly Insane!!

Finally, he’s back. And so, the doctor asked a few more questions, which I’ve missed. I was asking him for urgency symptoms and frequency (thinking BPH). And this bitch just have to stop us and comment, ‘where got people urine without urge one? What kind of medical student are you?’. I wanted to clarify to her that these questions are important, but Nat us nodded her head. I could read her eye language. True, there’s no point arguing with a bitch.

The uncle had left ventricular failure. So, Nat and I took some time to explain the condition to him gently. Dr Harvin asked us to transalate a few more information, telling the patient he needs to run some test. I took a while to explain, and the bitch stopped me, and criticized my Chinese language. ‘Your Chinese is terrible! My English is poor but I understand the doctor and I can explain better than you!’ she declared. She repeat that like twice. I have to admit, my Chinese language sucks. But this time, I really could not take it anymore! This is the first time in my entire medical life that my Chinese language has been criticized so badly.

Even the other patient who was sharing the clinic looked back in puzzlement. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I gave up, shut up, back away and took my seat by the couch. I DON’T CARE ANYMORE. So, I let her explain. Well, her Chinese was ordinary. I have to admit, comparatively, my Chinese language sucked a lot. Maybe I talk in really broken Chinese but at least I do not translate facts wrongly. Yes, she translations was indeed incomplete and some even wrong, but hell, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!

Later, God knows why, she told me, ‘Don’t think I don’t know anything. My son is a doctor’. I replied sarcastically, ‘I do not wish to meet your son’. Then I told Natalie, ‘Thank God she’s not my mum’, loud enough for the bitch to hear.

Later on, I met the uncle again. He apologized for the bitch’s behavior. I told him it is okay, although really, I did not feel anywhere near okay at all. So, I then managed to explain his condition to him, although with some difficulty. I have to admit, my Chinese is really bad, but given time, i could do it. It's a limitation, not being Chinese Educated. But if you give me a second chance, i would still choose to be English Educated, to enter a national school, rather than a chinese school. I enjoyed my childhood very much.

Later when she left the room, the other patient commented, she was a difficult lady. I am glad that I wasn’t the only one feeling that way.

I am back in my hostel room, still upset. Moral of the story:

1. Nice people are easily bullied. You do not have to be nice.
2. Sometimes, we should just ignore bitches.
3. If I ever see this bitch again, I’ll overdose her with Haloperidol and Xanax. (Let her get EPS and get fat!)
4. Don’t attempt to speak Chinese, just pretend I’m ABC, or MBC (Malaysian Born Chinese)
5. I need to learn to handle difficult patients and their friends. (Oh God, I bet there will be many more difficult patients to come.)
6. To improve my Chinese? Haha! Try me...

Hoping to feel better...

(Written on January 31, 2008 at 01:04 AM)

Saturday, January 26, 2008

sweet dreams, anyone?

I climbed up to attic,
Find myself in another world,
Candy land, with clouds floating around me,
Everything was bright, white,
I should be safe here, I hope,
As I locked the door behind me,
I walked through a series never ending doors,
I looked back,


But, I knew,
It was still after me,
I had to go on…

I could not see anything ahead,
Only doors,
I had to go on…
A hand grabbed mine,
Huge it was,
We ran, as fast as we could,
The hand melted away,
Run, His voice continue to echo,
Warning me,
Commanding me,
I keep running aimlessly,
Pushing away,
Doors, after doors….

This is a dream,
It had to be,
I came to my senses,
Get up,
I told myself,
The next thing I knew,
I see myself in my room,
There I was, lying in bed,
I couldn’t move,
I tried to pull myself out of bed,
I tried to push myself off the bed,
I was locked in my body,
Ahhhh… I started shouting,
I shouted myself awake,…

Finally, I woke up,
It is over now.

I had an exam today,
And shit, it was 10:00am already,
I was late
And I had not done studying
I was not prepared,
I could fail this test,
But I cannot afford to miss this test,

I rushed out my apartment,
Ran straight to the exam hall,
Upon arrival,
The exam was over,
Students leaving the hall,
Friends turning in disapproval,
The hall was emptied,
I find noone left,
I fell on my knees...

The doors suddenly locked itself behind me,
I found no way out,
Then I realized,
I was trapped again,
I was trapped in my dream, still...

I started falling into this dark hole,
My hand trying to gasp something, someone, anything,
Helplessly, I waited for the sound as I hit the ground,
I woke up screaming,
Panting, heart beat racing,
Oh, how I hated stupid dreams!

p/s: Dreams can sometimes seemed real enough…. I’ve dreamt of even worst,….. vampires, being lost, even funerals, my funeral,… why do people dream? I need an anti-dream pill…

(Written on January 26, 2008 at 10:42 AM)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Selective listening

People say cruel things
Sometimes, even heart-breaking
But really, sometimes, you do NOT have to put up with the load of shit
So, this is what I plan to discuss today,

Just because some people have verbal diarrhoea
and does not filter the things they say,
As if the information just slipped through the spinal cord,
Or rather, their cerebrum had shut down,
Or in simple layman terms, he does not have brains)
Well, it does not mean we cannot filter what we hear…
YES, that’s selective listening…

People always find excuses, or someone to blame, sometimes even something,
And sometimes, people are just darn sarcastic
Sometimes, it ain’t even funny
And sometimes, I hate it,
Like a lot,
And so, I just let it filter through..
I don’t even bother to ask them to shut up
Should I, anyway?
But to think of it,
You do not have to lower yourself to their level to communicate with them
It’s not really worth the effort
So ya, selective listening helps…

Some people enjoys criticising others to make themselves look good
I do not understand why
Is it really that amusing?
Some people ask questions when they don’t even want the answers
Either just for the sake of asking
Pretending that they care,
Please tell me they really do, they just do not know how to express,
And some people,
I just do not know how to deal with them…

Is it really that difficult to be nice, at least once in a while?
Is it really hard to give without expecting anything in return?
Perhaps, I still live in a fairytale book,
Welcome to the harsh reality,
Perhaps, in between the pages,
There will be,
Hope, faith and love…

Let’s start saying nice things to the people you meet,
Let’s be generous with compliments…
And if you really want to test my selective listening capacity,
Do wear a tag saying:

And I’ll just wear ear plugs and switch on my ipod… ^_^

( Written on January 15, 2008 at 05:26 AM )

Author's Note

Dear friends and readers, Thank you for dropping by and leaving comments/ shoutouts. More importantly, thank you for being there... please accept my apology that, lately, i may be busy with work and not have time to reply youir messages/comments, but rest assured, each and everyone is read, and highly appreciated :) have a nice day! ^^

of love

Today, i heard a story which was not a story of falling...
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
instead, it was a love story..
of a couple who did not live happily ever after...
but they live, loving each other..