Wednesday, May 12, 2010
"Doktor nak cepat, doktor turun sendirilah, gaji doktor lagi banyak dari saya"
“I’m busy with something else"
“My shift is already over"
...it was routine for me.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I am not quite sure what is the meaning of love, anymore…
Corrections: I do not think I ever did, did i?
Sometimes, it made me wonder, whether the duration one is involved in a relationship reflects how much one understands one’s relationship. Or perhaps, if a person started being in a relationship from an earlier age, it makes them more experienced in relationships and therefore understands the meaning of love better. Perhaps more experienced beings have the advantages in having a better understanding of love. Perhaps, they would have better judgement and decisions. Having said that, in either way, I must have been very shallow indeed. Which can be confusing. A lost soul, needing that reassurance. The hand reaching out to an empty space, grasping.
Sometimes, I was told not to look too far into the future.
Have faith, he said.
Sometimes, I wonder how one can know if he or she is ‘THE ONE’.
How can one be sure that decisions made were not blinded by hot, passionate love.
Yet again, like they said, love is blind, isn’t it?
Sometimes, the shadows of our past comes clouding by,
Hauntingly pinch us at the corners of the heart,
And one cannot interpret the feelings and emotions back then,
Was that just stupidity or mere silliness?
Was there even love?
What is love?
Perhaps, some of us are still learning to love,..
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I clean, draped, , palpated and made the mark with the forceps. Made a silent prayer.
With the scalpel in the right hand, the Lanz incision was made.
‘Deeper’, he said, ‘Do not be afraid’ he offered words of encouragement.
‘Proceed’ he said, ‘Don't worry, I am here, I will assist you’ he continued, holding on to the retractor. The rectus sheath gently cut. External oblique muscles, internal oblique muscles and transverse abdominalis muscle split respectively. The peritoneal layer gently lifted.
‘Now, look for the culprit’ I whisper to myself.
The small bowel stared at me. ‘No, not you’ my heart seemed to talk. The small intestines pushed aside gently with the swabstick.
Now there you are. The ceacum was smiling at me. I traced my way along the Teania Coli with the Babcock, and finally, the little mischievous appendix was there. No more running away. It was green in color, gangrenous, swollen.
‘See, this is a gangrenous appendix, impending perforation’ he commented.
Wow, I thought. ‘Don’t panic’ he said, reassuring.
‘Remember, the window of opportunity’ he said, guiding me.
‘Yes’ I nodded obediently. The artery was gently pushed through and mesoappendix clamped.
‘You know your hand-knots?’ he asked.
‘Yes’ I replied.
So, I tied them, tight and carefully.
Then the mesoappendix were snipped away from the appendix.
‘Finally, the most-awaited moment’ he said, as he hand me the kidney dish with the scalpel inside.
And this is when they called it APPENDICECTOMY. He said, smiling, as I gently cut the appendix. Clean.
The incision area was rechecked for bleeders. Dry swabbing done. Hemostasis secured.
Today, I did my first appendicectomy with Dr Mitesh, skin-to-skin.
'Appendicectomy of a gangrenous appendix in 50 minutes, with lessons in between. Not bad for a start,' he said.
And guess what??
It was the most awesome experience in my whole surgical posting and perhaps one of the notable best experience in housemanship.
I think I idolized him. Dr Mitesh.
You know, a teacher’s contribution never ends. It continues to shine in the works of their students.
To him, I may be just another houseman, eager to learn.
13/05/2010, 1500Hour – 1550Hour, OT6.
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Today, i heard a story which was not a story of falling...
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
instead, it was a love story..of a couple who did not live happily ever after...
but they live, loving each other..