Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Confessions of a House Officer #4 - Day 13 of life

I hate my job.

I hate my life.

I can’t decide which of them I hate more.

So, I started to hate my job on day 13.

WOW! That is quite early to start with.

I hate having no time to eat, no time to breathe.

I hate having to generalised breakfast, lunch and dinner into ONE meal.

I hate losing the luxury of sleeping.

I hate working hard, yet NOT appreciated.

I hate having sore legs and the wrong footwear.

I hate not having time to shop for new shoes (despite having sore feet for weeks). no time to send my laundry (what more doing it), etc.

I hate it when unnecessary procedures and test were put upon patients.

I hate it when I was asked to take a good detail history, and the next day was told that I had ‘too many information’ in the clerksheet. I thought they were relevant positives and negatives.
I hate it when my writing style was criticized.

I hate it when I had to waste my time tracing lab results.

I hate this very much.

I hate it when they didn’t have a computer system like HUKM. (oh, how I missed HUKM)
I hate it when I had to go through a whole stack of lab results and do 'office work' like finding forms, puncturing holes, filing them.
I hate forms in general.

I hate it when the ringing tone to the lab takes a long 4 minutes, and later, I was entertained by
please try again’.

I hate it when staff nurses refused to help doctors do ECG. What did you learn in nursing school anyway?

I hate it when the PPK disappeared at night. and when Trop T levels were needed ASAP, we had to do the PPK’s job to head to CCU to get a simple ‘special bottle’ for Trop T, go back to the ward to take blood, then send the results to the lab and get it back stat. and at the same time, we need to review the patient and get an ECG done. and later I find 7 PPK lepaking at the lab counter. At that point, I just wished to strangle either them or myself.

I hate it when the pneumonic tubes were just for display, non-functioning.

I hate it when thyroid function tests were ordered for every patient with borderline tachycardia, with no attempts to get history of hyperthyroid or hypothyroid symptoms. What difference would it make when they are euthyroid? Oh, come on, she’s having fever, of course she’s tachycardic!

I hate it when we were taught to be 'clinical' people who emphasizes on history and physical examinations, and when started working, we were taught to be 'lab' people who orders all investigations under the sun. 'Medicolegal reasons, or so, it seemed'...

I hate it when the beds in the hospital are not adjustable. How am i suppose to check for JVP or prop up breatheless patients?

I hate it when all the SPO2 machines in the wards are not in good condition, and when I bring it up to the KJ, I was told that ‘terpaksalah’....

I hate it when I want to elevate a patient’s upper limb, I can’t find a simple triangular bandage in the whole ward. And the reason the staff nurse gave was ‘sini bukan orthopeadic’… oh, come on, even a first aid kit has a triangular bandage!!

I hate it when I take 1.5minutes to take blood, and double the time to find the syringes, and triple the time to label them and fill up forms.

I hate it when I requested for a chest x-ray to look for cardiomegaly, clearly fill up that request form, and the radiographer did a AP view film.

I hate it when i weren’t allowed too many opinions.

I hate it when my attempts to be holistic to the patient was rejected.

I hate it when different specialists/MOs have different opinions. It can be very confusing.

I hate it when I was not allowed to offer pain relief to my patients.

I hate it when staff nurses report everything to me, and I find myself doing someone else’s job, while mine was not settled yet.

2 days later, I learnt that it was called 'taggers kena bullied'.

I hate it when my superiors are serious people who enjoy sarcasm, and lacked sense of humour.

I hate it when I learnt that we should never go against our superiors.

I hate it when my seniors advises us to just do our job and pretend to be dumb.

I hate it when life becomes a routine.

I hate it when life becomes demotivating.

I hate it when people around me are no longer inspiring.

I’m tired.

So very tired.

So tired, i think i forgotten how to smile again.

I think I have depleted positivity.


  1. GOSH! You really hate alot!
    Cheer up somehow.
    Smile for yourself.

  2. wah..u got more complaints than me eh...
    come taiping ba...we go zoo, taiping lake de-stress...

  3. time no need go taiping zoo... the same group is in the hospital. Working. :P

  4. hey, looks like it has been a bad week for u too.
    be strong shinyin!! you can do it.
    i guess it's the system here that sux...we have the same problems too, with the lack of facilities and mean superiors. had a hard time all week and today was climax, i was chased out of the ward for something so minor cos prof very bad mood :(
    but life goes on ya!! hang on there and pray for the best!!!
    btw, the nurses can be real mean. 3weeks ago I went to the ward at night to do 4 ECGs cos the MO asked the final yr student who is my fren and he was really busy so i went to help. I was even asked to take blood for C&S altho i had no idea how to do it! it seems like everyone just wants to finish their work and are not intereted in the patient's wellbeing.
    frustrating but don't be disheartened. be true to yourself ya! all the best!!

  5. wu shin'n i feel so bad reading this... =(
    well i know how u feel...
    we all hate our jobs sometimes... but it's just something u have to deal with... it's part of life...
    it's sad i know, but it's inevitable...
    but hey, this is just the beginning right? i'm sure when u will eventually get used to ur new life... and when u're more experienced, u'll be able to give more opinions... and shoot the nurses or PKK or whoever that goes in ur way kao kao... ;)
    p.s. i know i'm not very good at consoling ppl but well... just wanna let u know i'm doing my best...

  6. To love is better than to hate.
    Hating people or circumstances is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.
    Our life today is not a dress rehearsal, we only get to play one round...
    Have love you'll see sunshine and roses. Have hate you see dark clouds and rain.
    You have a nice day and keep a song in your heart, Lee.

  7. Hey there, you'll get used once you get the hang of it.
    Good that you let it all out in the post. when its time to leave, you'll look back and notice that some of the things that you hate can actually be the things that you'll love.
    I don't know what that is, but hang in there girl. ;)

  8. cheer up n be strong frenz...this is no way to blame the dr for that...our healthcare system is screw up..u just finish ur HOship k...add oil ya

  9. Haiya Shinyin sorry to hear so many hate...reminds one of one's hate for something / person as well but cheer up!! - you got so many supporters here...May the force be with you (I mean the positive spirit force - not the star wars)

  10. well i cant help anything but just wanna ask u to continue to jiayou k!

  11. Oh my God! You have a problem! And you've only just begun... Well, look on the bright side! If things are this bad, they will only get better!!! Pray!

  12. After reading your post, I already hate my job before going in. :p

  13. Time will pass as future coming will be greater.

  14. "I hate it when the beds in the hospital are not adjustable. How am i suppose to check for JVP or prop up breatheless patients?"

    heheh... have you tried intubating patients on that type of bed?

    I have. It was torture.

  15. Everything isn't perfect. That's life. Maybe someday you can make a difference. :)

  16. Hi shinyin, looks like you're kinda depressed, but it's normal during the tagging period. Don't worry, things will really go better after you get used to it! Believe me!;)

  17. Dann, well, i did, the other day... better now.. ^^

    yml, taiping zoo and lake??? u got to be kidding right??? let's go jogoya! :)
    yee ming,
    you comparing your patients to zoo citizens?? i don't hate my patients lar... i just get an allergic reaction when they are OVER-FLOWING, that's all...
    steph, wow... looks like you can be very helpful around the wards... come, i teach you how to take blood c&s... very senang one... just got additional sterile steps... then later, you help me take kay? hehe..
    during med sch, i used to help the HO in HTI take blood c&s last time too.. ^^
    shinloo, thanks a lot! i appreciate your efforts! you're right! this is just the beginning,.. perhaps things would get better..
    lee, thanks for the words of motivation... i hope to be seeing more of sunshine and roses.. that'll be great... ^^
    knitfreak-to-be, yup! i'm hangging there... i hope i dont get myself hanged... haha!
    zi han, you still having your holidays? don't worry, i'll be fine ^^
    thanks siang... i'll get a new petrol tank..
    MRC, thanks for, well, the force... hehe.. i think it's working... ^^
    zzzyun, USH!!! i'll jia you then!!! let's jia you together!! USH!USH!USH!!!
    STP, what positive thinking you have... pray for me too ya ^
    Hades, don't hate your job yet... there are always ups and downs.. i'll be posting someting posotive next time round for you ya.. cheer up!
    Q, greater future comings huh? sounds good... ^^
    bingwui, you like my hateful post??? haha! you can't be serious!
    ARY, THANKS! will keep going...
    aneast MO, nope, i haven't tried yet... but since you are tHE ANEST MO, i'm sure you are very pro already... bet you would love the challenge ;)
    ccc, i hope so too.. looking forward to the day,..
    Darren, guess i'll have to have trust on the words of the great magician... hey, try sprinkle some magic and turn my luck aroud lar...

  18. [in replying your previous message]

    Greater future comings mean suffering today will bring a brighter future which you are unable to foresee at the moment.


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Author's Note

Dear friends and readers, Thank you for dropping by and leaving comments/ shoutouts. More importantly, thank you for being there... please accept my apology that, lately, i may be busy with work and not have time to reply youir messages/comments, but rest assured, each and everyone is read, and highly appreciated :) have a nice day! ^^

of love

Today, i heard a story which was not a story of falling...
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
instead, it was a love story..
of a couple who did not live happily ever after...
but they live, loving each other..