I do not believe in long distance relationships

I do not believe in long distance relationship.

I never did.

I am not saying that it does not work.

I am just saying that it does not work for me.

So when he said:

‘give me a chance, give us a chance,

I promise to make an effort to come and see you every week’

He said confidently,

I was skeptical,

Usually, i do not commit, until i am really really REALLY sure,

which i rarely am,

Nevertheless,

It was a miracle, the way we met,

Almost like a fairytale came true,

And God was on his side,

So, i took a leap of faith,

We took the step.

And he kept his word.

Then, one stormy night, after a long day at work, I got his phone call.

…..

She: So, what will we be doing this weekend?

He: I cannot see you this weekend. My brother is back from Singapore. He’ll be here on Fri, Sat, Sun.

And the process of DABDA(Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance)  begins:

She (in denial): But you promised. Remember, last week, you promised to come on fri,sat,sun!

He: Yes, but I didn’t know my brother will be back

She (in bargaining) : What if you spend time with your brother on fri + sat, then we can spend time on Sunday

He: No, I can’t

She (in depression) : Whatever, do anything you like…

(chat randomly on something else)

She (in depression + sleepiness) : Do anything you like…

He: I think you sound sleepy. Good night

The next day, having in mind that she better plan the weekend,

she texted : You really not seeing me on sunday?

Then he texted:

[Anyway, I need to share this with you. I feel that you are being unreasonable this time, especially what you said to me on the phone last night. He is my brother and it’s been a very long time that I had seen him. This time he is back just for the weekend. I won’t be seeing him that often anymore. I understand that you love me very much and miss me. I do too. Unfortunately, this shows insecurity, and it is a concern. Probably I had come see you every week and it had been a commitment to you, you have taken it for granted. I don’t like what you say everytime you are angry. It hurts me and I can’t sleep on it. This had been an ongoing problem for me. I need my own personal space. But that does not mean that I don’t love you. I just need some space and respect from you]

Such a long text out of the blue.

Selective reading just read one word: SPACE

A vocabulary so new to our relationship.

This not about this weekend or any weekends anymore.

Had I been so naïve that perhaps He did not shared the same enthusiasm of meeting up during the weekends? Perhaps a person’s joy had been another person’s burden? Was it really that suffocating? Why none was mentioned in the beginning itself?

Was I really that hard to get along? Was I suffocating him?

Is it wrong for a girlfriend to demand for more time?

Or is it better for a girlfriend to not demand at all? And be all excited like [yippie, I don’t have to see you this weekend?]

What type of girlfriend tells his boyfriend: It’s okay if you have not prepare anything for my birthday, we can postpone it next time…. Celebrate it next time…

(still being postponed at the moment)

Maybe I have not much experience in relationships, but I do know one, some problem can be solved, and this one is not one of those problems.

So it hit me hard, perhaps he was just tolerating and keeping it all inside until one day, it all burst out.

All guys want their personal SPACE. I am sure some girls will agree with this.

Guys have this ego and primitive need for SPACE.

And Girls can be clingy, over-attached and demanding.

If giving him mon-fri personal space is still not enough, I do not know what more to give.

Daily phone calls every night before sleep, becomes EOD, then biweekly. Slowly tapering…

Perhaps, it’s Kuala Pilah! Living away from home and close friends making me feel so miserable.Having to adapt all over again. On top of being in a department not of one choice, and having bad bad calls. Now, not even the weekends to look forward to. No one seemed to understand the feeling.

I will learn to be more considerate.

I will learn not to demand.

I will learn to detach myself.

I will above all, learn to let go.

Maybe, some puzzles were never meant to find their match.

Lesson #1: Never fall too deep into a relationship. It is a death trap.

Lesson # 2: If you love something, set it free. Give them space (or whatever)

Lesson #3 : Never, NEVER take family picture with your boyfriend family. No matter how good terms you are in. Even if at that moment, you believed that he is the one. Because, if things do not work out, years down the line, when someone asked : who is that girl ? He’ll have to answer: Oh that’s my EX, the bit*h.  And it can be quite awkward.

Lesson #4: Never, never, NEVER book a holiday with your boyfriend 1 year in advance on your credit card. You are no fortune teller, you'll never know what will happen in 1 year time.

So, welcome readers, I’m back to blogging again. I will now spend more time on myself.  Perhaps, I have been neglecting my personal space long enough.

And people say girls are complicated.

I think guys equally are.

I did not believe in long distance relationship.

Now, I do not even believe in relationship.

p/s: fyi, he met his brother 2 weeks ago and his brother is looking for a job in Singapore.
p/ss: even his brother once said he loves his car more than his girl.
(perhaps, everything else)

my current feeling.... soooo LAZY.....

Crazy Marriage Proposal

some people will do anything... really? watch the youtube video below and see.. LoLz

a fallen star

There are things in life,

Things that kept me wondering…

Playing in my mind,

Like a roller coaster,

Juggling ideas, delusions, emotions….

The world is a small world,

A small small world,

And God has his plan, he must have had!

Sometimes, I just wished I knew,

i wished i could comprehend...

There are things I like to forget, 

(corrections: I WANT to forget, i mean, i NEED to forget)

Questions unanswered, Yet, I dare not ask,

I hung up the phone,

I knew the answer will be too painful to bear.

In the end,

It is just me,

Me and my stupidity…

Emotions is a dumb thing,

I guess,

When the heart overcomes the mind…

I knew it was all a delusion,

Yet, God knows why am I still holding on,

Holding onto something that does not exist in the first place.

I needed to end this,

To achieve full insight,

Understanding and enlightenment…

I wished those things would not matter that much,

I wished it will all go away,

I wished I would never had to face it,

I hid them in a box, a dark, dark box,

At the corner of my mind,

Yet somehow, like I said, this is a small small world,

With many many co-incidents,

I see myself in the mirror,

I wished it was someone else,

I wished it was somewhere else,

Then again,

God had to fool me again…

Please let me go, please let me live in peace…

Please tell me that it'll all go away, and everything will be fine...

Work, family, friends, health and spirit

For those especially stressed @ work...

When it's off office hours,

Go HOME and SLEEP on it...

“MEDICAL is a Challenging Profession, yet a VERY rewarding profession”

This afternoon, a group of pre-medical students came to our hospital for a visit. They were JPA scholars who came for exposure and to learnt more about the hospital life and career as a doctor.

The ward sister introduced me to them, ‘This is Dr Wu, our house officer here. In the future, you will become like her. Dr Wu, can you brief them about life as a houseman?’

ME: Sure, what would you like to know?

STUDENTS: We would like to know more about life as a house officer. We heard that it is difficult and would like some motivation.

ME: Are you all already enrolled in Medical School?

STUDENT: YES. We are from XXX and YYY.

(Mind: Meaning, those innocent students are CONFIRMED stucked in med school…) Everything that come out of my mouth now HAD to be POSITIVE.

And I couldn’t believe what came out of my mouth next:

“MEDICAL is a Challenging Profession, yet a VERY rewarding profession”

(very rewarding???) -YES, I said it!!

“You see results, like when you treat your patient, you see how he recovers and goes home”

“The moment when you first scrubbed in, your first baby delivery, holding those little soft fingers, your first appendicectomy, the feeling cannot be bought. The experience is somewhat special and you cannot find it anywhere else”

Sure, I pacify those students, motivate them more than I had ever motivated myself.

“Not just anyone can survive in the medical field. It takes a lot of strength, courage and hard work. If you can survive medical school, if you can survive housemanship, you can survive ANYTHING“

STUDENTS: What about medical school? We heard Medical is all about work and no play.

“Keep a balance between work and play. They say, study hard when you are student, it’s true… because those things you study, do come in handy when we work, especially those at clinical years. It helps in our work. But,  endless work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Participate in research, join students association,  go out with your friends, enjoy, go travelling, yes, work hard but have fun along the way."

“ when I was a student, I participated in a Student Organization named : AMSA (Asian Medical Students’ Association) and we took part in many activities : Paper Presentation, Poster Presentation, Research, Cultural Exchange,.. We travelled to Taiwan, Korea, Hong Kong,.. meet students from other countries, understand their lifestyle, exchange views, hang out… it was fun"

And those students were staring back, like in disbelief that a medical student life can be fun.

Well, honestly, I did enjoyed my medical school life. The tough days were tough. Where the amount of facts and knowledge we have to study is not counted by how many pages, but is measured by how many feet high is those books and notes stacked up, per subject. It was scary, thinking back. But, the good days were good. And I had many, many, MANY fond memories of my student life. One thing was, I had very good friends. I was relatively active in school activities and student body, so, I had a great experience.

“You guys are JPA scholars, probably one of the brightest students in your high school. But in medical school, it is an all new thing altogether. You will be competing amongst yourself, the best students of the batch. And it can be very stressful at times. There will be two extremes categories of students. Those who just pass exams without much effort, A, and those who need to work EXTRA hard to pass exams, B. You might be in either of this category, A or B, or somewhere in between. If you happen to be in the B category, don’t give up, support each other, and put in the extra effort, you will reach the finish line.”

STUDENTS: How about on-calls? I heard it is terrible,….

“I have to say, you guys are VERY lucky now, as oncalls nowadays are VERY much better compared to those 10 years back, considering that nowadays, we have more house officers. Some departments in some hospitals even give post-call-off! ”

-I cannot believed I said that.

“The more reason you need to study as Students and house officers. The concept is simple. The better knowledge and skills you have to manage a patient, the faster you can finish your work, and the more time you have to rest. But is someone is Jonah, then, it’s just luck. Of course, a shift system would be much better for all of us. Unless the system change, oncalls have to go on. But remember, you have nothing to lose, every day, there’s something to learn. And those on-calls, they make you stronger”

The truth is, there are more house officers, but the work load has became more and more demanding. House officers have more scopes to cover. In some hospital, they need to do double entry for the computer system. Some HO has to function as MO. Some HO has to function as SN and PPK. Work is endless. You are the PPK, the SN, the HO, the MO- EVERYTHING! But of course, I couldn’t tell them that and scare them away.

NEW fresh students, they reminded me of how I used to be. Like a clean sheet of paper, so innocent, so ‘un-touched’, so eager…

When I was at high school, I was motivated by a medical student who came to our school. His name was Dominic.

I think I like this. ‘Motivating’ these young souls. Pacifying them.

And I think that was exactly what I needed back then, when I was in their shoes –MOTIVATION...

Haha, they should read my blog... NO, THEY SHOULDN'T.

MEGLIO - a new look? a new hook?

Confessions: I have hairdresser-phobia.

Yup, I have phobia of the saloon 

(and what are they going to do to my hair)…

I remembered one of my past experience, which made me looked like Prof Adeeb.

(Link: A binbotic moment  31/03/2009)

So you see, i am not only saloon-phobia, i am also curl-phobia.

So, very often, I avoided the place, the hair saloon,

until my hair gets seriously damaged and out of control, and needed to get some help. 

Surprisingly, I limit my visits to the saloon to about 1-3 times a year only (hehe)… shhhh,…..

So, this time, we hair was too long, with split ends at the ends, so, it left me no choice,… but to visit my greatest fear, again…

BEFORE:

(long straight hair)

I wanted to go to Korean Village, Park Chul Hair Dresser, or Oh Jun Hair Salon (near Ampang Point)  the week before (as recommended by ShinLoo), but the place was closed.

So, when I came back to work in Melacca, my friend, Lui, she recommended this place : MEGLIO at Melaka Raya. Many of my friends have their hair done there, so, it was ‘suppose’ to be good. I guess.  Lui suggested this guy, ANDY, who did her hair and my other friends’ hair.

When I first when to Maglio, I went up a flight of stairs, only to find myself in front of a bunch of students, cutting hairs for the first time. In disbelieved, I wondered - My friend recommended this place? Later I found out that it was the MEGLIO ACADEMY , where students cut your hair for a VERY cheap price. Thank God, I was directed to the REAL MEGLIO SALOON next door, or else, I might be making the greatest mistake of my life.

When I met ANDY for the first time, he was very friendly, and he put me at ease. He offered me a free consultation session, explaining to me about different kinds of styles, and those which suits me. He asked about my background, my job, carreer, how much can I change my hairstyle… etc…

According to ANDY, there are FOUR types of hairstyle:     

1. FRESH
2.   SWEET
3. COOL
4.  FEMININE (MATURE)

I was told that my face shape belonged to the FRESH / SWEET category.

He said he wants to change my outlook, and he guarantee satisfaction.

He said, if I am brave and daring enough, he’ll like to give me some bangs (fringe). He said, that it’ll help to make the eyes look bigger and brighter. 

Being kiasu or what-not, I accepted the challenge. I was hooked.

Which I kinda regret a little later, as it was a little too childish for me. But, oh well, it’s now or never.

And so, I had fringe.

ANDY was a very observant person. When he realized, i wasn't reading the magazines he provided, he asked, do i prefer English magazines? and offered a changed...

 As time was getting late, Andy said, " This will take a while. Have you have your dinner?'

I gently shake my head. -no-

"You must be hungry, I'll get you something"

So, he made some hot chocolates and offered some cookies. ^^

I like a place with good service...

 I wanted fringe with straight hair, but he insisted that I curl them.

I shared my previous bad experience with curls,

He said, he'll do it differently.

He asked me to trust him.

He said, “You have to trust me. I cannot perform my best if you give me limitations. You need to believe in me, and I will give you satisfying results, I will give you a great hairstyle, a great outlook.”

He seemed so confident. High self-esteem and ego.

And so, I just gave in. I was hooked, again.

 * applied LOREAL hair curl chemical*

 He used some huge curls and gave me a digital perm.

 There was so many wires attached to my head.

And Oh Boy, it was hot.

 They used some thick paddings so not to burn me (and my scalp)

 In the end, i looked like a cartoon doll with ROBOCOP HEAD

 Finally, 20minutes is up, the sufferings end, and the solution washed off...

 Last trimming and blow-dry

 ANDY recommanded this:

1. REDKEN ringlet 07 curl cream

2. KERASTASE Oleo Curl Nutritive

 I would say, he's a good salesman

So, finally: 

TA-DA!!

And this is ANDY

Thank you for the new hairstyle

And i took this with my WEBCAM

MEGLIO
ANDY Seet (Stylist / Color Master)
06-2861119(for appointment) /06-2831119
No G-1, 1-1, 2-1, 3-1,
Jalan PM2,
Plaza Mahkota,
75000 Melaka


Operating hours: 11:00am-8:30pm
Closed on Wednesday

A CALL WITH A FANTASTIC MO

*Disclaimer: Cerita ini cuma rekaan semata-mata, tidak berkaitan sama ada dengan yang hidup ataupun yang mati* This is a fiction story, not related to anyone dead, or alive.*

I remembered I used to read Darren’s blog on how miserable calls can get when you get ‘certain’ HO who calls you for many reasons. Sometimes, things can be the otherway round.

DARREN’s :

Most of the time, your call's quality largely depends on whom you're working with, in the particular night. A good and reliable helper would definitely lighten your work, whereas the opposite can cause you a sleepless night. Just some examples of the calls that MO received from a HO during an on-call night... (click to continue reading)

QUOTE:

Most of the time, your call’s quality largely depends on whom you’re working with, in the particular night. A good and reliable boss (who makes good and quick decisions) would definitely lighten your work, whereas the opposite can cause you a sleepless night. Just some examples of calls that HO received during an on-call night…

*phone ring* HO#1 pick up phone @ 2:37am:

HO#1: hello??

HO#2: Hello, I need your help with a branula.

HO#1: Okay

HO#2:  I was trying with MO for a very long time already but still cannot get venous access. Can 

you come to HDW to set a neck line?

HO#1: What? You are with an MO and can’t get a line? What case is it? How is the patient?

HO#2 briefly present the case.

HO#1: Okay, I am coming.

Upon arrival, patient was a C5-C6 compression fracture patient with C5 cord injury, ventilating on trachy. BP falling. Has one IV access. MO miserably trying to set another peripheral line.

MO: Good, you are here. This patient very hard to get line. You need to set a neck line.

HO#1: Isn’t he on inotropes, shouldn’t we insert a triple lumen?? (central line)

MO: You can insert a triple lumen?? I mean, can you insert? If not, we can call GA MO to insert.

HO#1: Okay, I’ll try.

Coagulation profile normal, in view to keep the neck in neutral position and not flex the neck, HO#1 decided for a subclavian approach.

HO#1 attempt failed.

HO#1: I think someone else should try. (Hoping that the MO will take over)

MO: Hmm… let’s call the GA MO to help. I'm not very good with lines.

HO#1: Okay. Please do then.

MO: Ermm… could you talk to the GA MO?

Apparently, the GA MO on-call was well known to be very ‘fierce’ and the MO had some unpleasant previous history with the GA MO.

SN took a peep next door: The GA MO is very busy in ICU, attending to a collapse patient.

Having no choice, HO#1 kept her fingers crossed and said: Very well, I’ll try again

*Thank God, Left Subclavian Central line inserted successfully, anchored at 15cm, no acute complication, good flow. Placement confirmed with VBG and CXR. Bloods sent for investigation. Patient resuscitated with fluids and inotropes, BP picked up and patient stabilized.

After documentation, the SN asked: Siapa HO#1? Specialist ke??MO ke?

.....silence....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CASE II, later that morning,

* phone ring* HO#1 pick up phone @ 6:45am:

HO#1: Hello? I am reviewing patient, anything?

HO#3: Hello, there is a patient in wardXXX who collapsed. Asystole. I informed MO already, she asked me to ‘buat apa-apa yang patut’ and ask you to come stat. I tengah CPR now.

*Upon arrival stat, HO#3 was performing CPR, SN bagging, MO holding mask.

MO looked at HO#1 with an anxious face and said: HO#1, you boleh intubate patient, kan?

*HO#1 almost fainted when heard that. ^^|||

HO#1: SN, cepat prepare intubation set. ETT size 7 and 6.5. Prepare blade, suction. Prepare Midazolam 5ml.  

SN: Kena buka DDA ni …. (FAINT~!)

HO#1: Student nurse, tau bagging?

Student nurse 1: YA

HO#1: pakai gloves, ambil alih tempat SN. SN prepare for intubation.

SN kelam-kabut, busy preparing the equipment and drug.

HO#1: How’s the patient? What happened? (HO#1 asked while putting on gloves and mask)

MO: I tak sempat access lagi

HO#3: Patient asystole, pupils dilated, BP unrecordable,..

HO#1 quickly accessing the patient and asked: How long CPR?

HO#3: about 15 minutes

HO#1: What was given? How many atrophin , adrenaline?

MO quiet (…)

HO#3: None given.

HO#1: SN2, syringe out adrenaline and atropine, give 1 atrophic, 3 adrenaline.

Apparently, SN2 was so slow… HO#1 started breaking the ampules and syringed out herself and gave the drug while the SN prepare intubation set. HO#1 took over MO position and intubated the patient. Condition was bad. More Adrenaline and atrophin given, still no response.

HO#1: Ada siapa-siapa call medical? call relative?

SN: No.

HO#1: Make sure panggil. Suruh SN3 yang tengah serve ubat kat tu call.

After 45mins CPR still no response.

HO#3: MO, do you still one to proceed?

MO: Huh? Kita dah buat semua kan? Ada ape-ape lagi?

HO#3: MO, do you think we should pronounce death?

MO: Erm…

(pause…)

MO: Okaylah

*documentation done*

HO#1: What’s the cause of death?

MO: Kena bagi cause of death ke?

HO#3: I think it is APO secondary to CCF and CRF. Maybe it’s time to call the medical team and our specialist to discuss.

MO: Okay.


After discussion: Cause of death: Acute Pulmonary Edema secondary to CCF

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MORAL OF THE STORY: Dear HO colleagues, HO life is not all fun and relax. Sure, we will always be covered by MO, but remember, we will become MO (or even specialist) one day. It is very important to learn the most from your housemanship days. Otherwise, it will be regrettable. 


And NEVER EVER GIVE INSTRUCTIONS: buat apa-apa yang patut.
Do ask what has been done, and give further plans of what else can be done while you are on your way to see the patient.
When  a HO calls his MO, means he needs help. (or he needs to be covered)
Imagine documenting : 
S/T DR XXX, case and progress and Investigation noted. Plan: To carry out all necessary procedures. (apa-apa yang patut?) 


Please, be a safe doctor.

HAPPY SONGKRAN FESTIVAL!!!

WORLD HISTORY:
The Songkran festival (Thai: สงกรานต์, from Sanskrit saṃkrānti,^[1] "astrological passage") is celebrated in Thailand as the traditional New Year's Day from 13 to 15 April. It coincides with the New Year of many calendars of South and Southeast Asia. 


The most obvious celebration of Songkran is the throwing of water. Thais roam the streets with containers of water or water guns (sometimes mixed with mentholated talc), or post themselves at the side of roads with a garden hose and drench each other and passersby. This, however, was not always the main activity of this festival. Songkran was traditionally a time to visit and pay respects to elders, including family members, friends, neighbors, and monks.


(source: wikipedia)


OUR HISTORY:

13 APRIL 2009, BANGKOK : We celebrated the Thai New Year with water splashing, water guns and white powder.. there was live bands, and even the fireman involved!! wow!! an awesome experience!!!

All messed up from Songran!!
Btw, Songkran or Thai New Year is celebrated with water splashing.. the streets were filled with people splashing water, shooting with waterguns, and wiping each other faces with white powder...

all messy and dirty...

more amazingly, there were even live bands and the firemens participating in this grand event in silom street and khaosan street!! but we didnt manage to capture them on film... need a waterproof camera for that, haha!

happy songkran = THIS GUY CARRIES A HUGE WATERGUN, BEWARE!!

the cars and taxis were not left out... tuk-tuks passengers were all wet!
i remember leaving finger prints marks on every car we saw, wahaha!! happy songran festival!!

Songran festival: people equiped with water guns and pails of water... even on vehicles.. searching for victims.. noone is spared!




So, everyone, wishing you a good HAPPY SONGKRAN FESTIVAL!!!


If you are planning a water party, count me in! ^^

Katy Perry - Firework (inspiring lyrics)

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"


Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon