I do not believe in long distance relationships

I do not believe in long distance relationship.

I never did.

I am not saying that it does not work.

I am just saying that it does not work for me.

So when he said:

‘give me a chance, give us a chance,

I promise to make an effort to come and see you every week’

He said confidently,

I was skeptical,

Usually, i do not commit, until i am really really REALLY sure,

which i rarely am,

Nevertheless,

It was a miracle, the way we met,

Almost like a fairytale came true,

And God was on his side,

So, i took a leap of faith,

We took the step.

And he kept his word.

Then, one stormy night, after a long day at work, I got his phone call.

…..

She: So, what will we be doing this weekend?

He: I cannot see you this weekend. My brother is back from Singapore. He’ll be here on Fri, Sat, Sun.

And the process of DABDA(Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance)  begins:

She (in denial): But you promised. Remember, last week, you promised to come on fri,sat,sun!

He: Yes, but I didn’t know my brother will be back

She (in bargaining) : What if you spend time with your brother on fri + sat, then we can spend time on Sunday

He: No, I can’t

She (in depression) : Whatever, do anything you like…

(chat randomly on something else)

She (in depression + sleepiness) : Do anything you like…

He: I think you sound sleepy. Good night

The next day, having in mind that she better plan the weekend,

she texted : You really not seeing me on sunday?

Then he texted:

[Anyway, I need to share this with you. I feel that you are being unreasonable this time, especially what you said to me on the phone last night. He is my brother and it’s been a very long time that I had seen him. This time he is back just for the weekend. I won’t be seeing him that often anymore. I understand that you love me very much and miss me. I do too. Unfortunately, this shows insecurity, and it is a concern. Probably I had come see you every week and it had been a commitment to you, you have taken it for granted. I don’t like what you say everytime you are angry. It hurts me and I can’t sleep on it. This had been an ongoing problem for me. I need my own personal space. But that does not mean that I don’t love you. I just need some space and respect from you]

Such a long text out of the blue.

Selective reading just read one word: SPACE

A vocabulary so new to our relationship.

This not about this weekend or any weekends anymore.

Had I been so naïve that perhaps He did not shared the same enthusiasm of meeting up during the weekends? Perhaps a person’s joy had been another person’s burden? Was it really that suffocating? Why none was mentioned in the beginning itself?

Was I really that hard to get along? Was I suffocating him?

Is it wrong for a girlfriend to demand for more time?

Or is it better for a girlfriend to not demand at all? And be all excited like [yippie, I don’t have to see you this weekend?]

What type of girlfriend tells his boyfriend: It’s okay if you have not prepare anything for my birthday, we can postpone it next time…. Celebrate it next time…

(still being postponed at the moment)

Maybe I have not much experience in relationships, but I do know one, some problem can be solved, and this one is not one of those problems.

So it hit me hard, perhaps he was just tolerating and keeping it all inside until one day, it all burst out.

All guys want their personal SPACE. I am sure some girls will agree with this.

Guys have this ego and primitive need for SPACE.

And Girls can be clingy, over-attached and demanding.

If giving him mon-fri personal space is still not enough, I do not know what more to give.

Daily phone calls every night before sleep, becomes EOD, then biweekly. Slowly tapering…

Perhaps, it’s Kuala Pilah! Living away from home and close friends making me feel so miserable.Having to adapt all over again. On top of being in a department not of one choice, and having bad bad calls. Now, not even the weekends to look forward to. No one seemed to understand the feeling.

I will learn to be more considerate.

I will learn not to demand.

I will learn to detach myself.

I will above all, learn to let go.

Maybe, some puzzles were never meant to find their match.

Lesson #1: Never fall too deep into a relationship. It is a death trap.

Lesson # 2: If you love something, set it free. Give them space (or whatever)

Lesson #3 : Never, NEVER take family picture with your boyfriend family. No matter how good terms you are in. Even if at that moment, you believed that he is the one. Because, if things do not work out, years down the line, when someone asked : who is that girl ? He’ll have to answer: Oh that’s my EX, the bit*h.  And it can be quite awkward.

Lesson #4: Never, never, NEVER book a holiday with your boyfriend 1 year in advance on your credit card. You are no fortune teller, you'll never know what will happen in 1 year time.

So, welcome readers, I’m back to blogging again. I will now spend more time on myself.  Perhaps, I have been neglecting my personal space long enough.

And people say girls are complicated.

I think guys equally are.

I did not believe in long distance relationship.

Now, I do not even believe in relationship.

p/s: fyi, he met his brother 2 weeks ago and his brother is looking for a job in Singapore.
p/ss: even his brother once said he loves his car more than his girl.
(perhaps, everything else)