oh boy, why is it so darn hard to feel happy?

my eyes are painful,
somewhat red from all the rubbing,
somewhat watery from all the tearing...

my heart is retching,
aching with each breathe i take,
hurting with every thoughts of you...

why?
when you promised happiness,
you gave pain instead?
why?
when you said you will be there,
you were not?
why?
when you made promises,
you broke them one by one?

is it true?
that one need to walk down the path,
the path covered with shattered glass,
and let their feet bleed,
with every step,
sharp pain shooting up the spine,
yet, thou shall keep walking,
to reach the destination of happiness...

what if you thought you have found happiness,
and later found out,
that it was all a white lie...
a fairytale that never exist,
a pacifier for little kids...

i wondered how could you have let it be,
how could you have let it go,
perhaps, somethings weren't as important,
perhaps sweet words, were only words...

and i,
i only deserved to be in this dark space...

perhaps what they predicted was right
everyone was given a certain amount of happiness
and i am starting to reach the end of my quota...
the tip of the toothpaste tube....


oh boy, why is it so darn hard to feel happy?