Wednesday, January 28, 2009

the shadows of chinese new year

Chinese New Year do things to people. the relatives. the friends. the questions. you know. sometimes, they can be scary.

these few days, my relatives has been visiting. and i. i was bombarded with a series of questions. one of the scariest ones were : when are you graduating?

i would answer them, 'some time this year, hopefully. ' you know, the truth is, i don't know. professional exams will be in march. i don't know how much percentage i stand to pass. i guess i never feared this much all my life. what if the examiners decided that i wasn't good enough, that i wasn't safe enough?

failure rates in UKM is the highest amongst all public universities in Malaysia.i don't know why. 10%. yes, meaning, with my batch of 200 students, approximately 20 will fail. this was how they 'uphold the standard'. in fact last year 23 failed. and amongst them were not those borderline students, but some top scorers who are very dedicated to their study. some had panic attacks, some had tuberculosis, some were too anxious and intimidated, some just did not make it. so you see, you cannot afford to fall sick or panic during an exam.

so ya. when i was asked: when are you graduating? i answered them: 'some time this year, hopefully.' i dare not tell them about professional exams in march. i dare not plan post-graduation trips. too many what ifs played in my mind.what if i failed? what if i didn't make it? this terrifies me. it haunts. i don't think i'll ever be strong enough to face failures. i cannot imagine the disappointment in my parents face.

touch wood!!

on the other hand, my elder cousin often got bombarded with the question: when is he getting a girlfriend? when is he getting married? you know, it's kind of nice to have an elder cousin to sort of shield off questions like that for the few of us. okay, maybe good for us, but not so good for him. after all, i'm still studying. and i can always excuse myself with the excuse, 'no time'. hehe.

the problem arises when they start asking me to introduce my friends to him. WALAU! why do this to him leh? don't you think it would be super embarassing to him? so ya, i told my aunt off that day (in a nice way, of course). sometimes, it is not just about meeting people or filling in the gap or following the norm. not about fitting two pieces of puzzles together, nor matching two lonely souls. sometimes, perhaps, it was the right person, and the right moment.

the thing is, we'll never know who or when it is right.

so, my theory cannot pakai. okay, now i'm just ranting.

i find that it very easy for people to relate themselves to you. when you are in the medical line. whether is it some chronic illness they have, or some odd conditions of their friend's and relative's. some might be curious of your life. how tough it is. how is it seeing blood. cadavers. bodies. some talk about unfairness of the educational system. some talk about the government offering good healthcare. some talk about the hectic housemanship. some craved for ghost stories from hospital on-calls. too much ER and house, perhaps?

sometimes, i just wished they would divert their attention from me, to perhaps my sisters, brothers or cousins. really, the same questions every year. the same answers. engineering, psychology, information technology, linguistic, teaching, business are very interesting too! and they are earning big money! then again, money is not everything. oh well. i did try talking to my cousins about their nature of job, then i got loss between some of the technical terms. but i try, i'll always do.

anyways, better start hitting the books. chee yong's going back to HUKM tomorrow to study. mk is already there today. my sister started doing her assignments yesterday. my younger brother is doing his homework downstairs. i seemed like the laziest person on Earth. my books still not yet unpacked.

shinyin, insaflah~

the next month with be tough. the following month even tougher.

happy chinese new year.

p/s: boonLee, i will post a happier post next time. i promise. oh yes, i have something to tell you. remind me when we meet this friday ya.

p/ss: pong, the organiser, how's your plans?


  1. first one!

    am i the first one?

    aiya.. worry so much huh? u better start preparing d! dun get sick during exam den u should be ok gua..

    faster study d liao

  2. Hi ShinYin, i guess its been a norm for the elders to ask these kind of questions. One by one... and the best part of all, its like a hierarchy of questions you know they are going to ask before they even did.

    It starts with... Have you eaten? How old are you this year? What are you studying? When are you graduating? Do you have a bf/gf? When are you getting married? When are you going to have babies? LOL.

  3. shin yin, you'll get more of the questions and of course the follow up ones (when are u having kids, --if you have girl, when is the next,i.e boy, etc..etc..)after that.

    so just be content on what you have today and above all at this age, career supersedes others.(you wouldn't want to get married jobless rite?)

    anyway, happy CNY to you and good luck in your exams!! :)

  4. I been bombarded when will I be a father. Ha....Ha...

  5. NO woli shinyin , your theory can pakai....It's true- meeting the right person at the right time...It's again so-called social rules to want to make us conform with "normal standard"..... Hey, you also know the word "walau"...LOL

  6. btw final encouragement from a fellow-blogger : All the best in your coming exam....YOu Sure can Do it...

  7. hey i cant imagine how tough it must be to sit for those exams.. and i will probably sitting for them in 3 years' time.. hopefully! :P

    anyway just do ur best k! rest more too and dont get sick! gambate! :)

  8. shinyin i have faith in you! dont worry too much about ur professional exam. i trust u can make it ;)

    modern robinson, if u're reading tis, OF COURSE she know the word walau... -_-||| she had me as her mandarine teacher... well, "had".

  9. oi miss busy bee,

    how come you never reply my sms. was thinking of meeting you tomorrow at Jusco S2 for lunch. my treat =). call me la wei...

  10. TO : SHINLOO

    OIC....So u the sinseh of shinyin...T_T.....

  11. aiyerrrr..u have the chance to celebrate lucky!!!

    but then, those questions crop up from time to time, u just gotto equip urself with topic changing skills..hehe :D

  12. To all,
    THANKS FOR THE ENCOURAGING WORDS... i'll just leave a few lines here before i get back to my books :) thanks for all the luck, i guess i needed it desperately.. :)happy chinese new year!
    yes, you were the first :)
    *better get back to study*
    gosh, blogging can be distracting...
    haha! Lolz! yalor, yalor... there is a hierarchy of questions... even if you have past one, there's always another one.. one day, if i ever start asking such questions, that'll be the day i am officially 'old'.. haha!
    thanks... very true, in today's world, career is important.. but family and friends also important.... :)
    for the time being, for me, i guess, is passing exams...
    p/s: the 'when is the next boy'is so funny.. but i guess, howadays, most parents are not so sexually selective kua.. chances to get a girl/boy is always 50-50
    borneo falcon,
    hehe.. but having kids are perhaps one of the best things in life.. and watching them grow.. i do hope i'll see you be posting pictures of little borneo falcon on your blog soon,... ^^
    jia you!
    MRC, thanks =)
    and yes, shinloo had not only be my mandarin teacher who taught me words like WALAU... she had also been translating song lyrics, and teaching me how to read jay chou's song lyrics back in high school :)
    thanks.. well, you enjoy yourself now.. remember to take your pre-clinical years seriously, as a good basic helps a lot in later years.... until then, sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey~
    thanks.. i hope so too!! =)
    dear poh lin,
    so sorry for replying your sms late.. i was trying my best to see how i can fit that into my schedule. unfortunately, i'm so sorry i couldn't make it.. when's the next time you'll be back in seremban?? maybe we can meet up some day.. i haven't seen you since primary school, there's so much to catch up!!! happy chinese new year
    you and bingwui also not bad what.. got steamboat and all... :)
    hmm.. maybe you can teach me some topic changing skills..

  13. hargh? since the last "experience" , I am abit content to be ur sifu again...hehehe

  14. Wi~ the topic-changing-sifu~~ hehe...
    when you wanna pass down some skills?
    will be needing them..


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Author's Note

Dear friends and readers, Thank you for dropping by and leaving comments/ shoutouts. More importantly, thank you for being there... please accept my apology that, lately, i may be busy with work and not have time to reply youir messages/comments, but rest assured, each and everyone is read, and highly appreciated :) have a nice day! ^^

of love

Today, i heard a story which was not a story of falling...
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
instead, it was a love story..
of a couple who did not live happily ever after...
but they live, loving each other..