Sunday, May 27, 2007

COAMS #33 - The End of the Beginning

Now, this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is perhaps, the end of the beginning... (Winston Churchill)

I had the ended this year’s orthopedics-surgery posting, starting my ophthalmology posting this week. And last week was a HELL of a week for me… not only that I was suffering from pre-exam-syndrome and pre-menstrual-syndrome; the EXAM was indeed DAMN tough!! When facing this kind of situation, I often wonder, have I not studied ‘hard enough’. Is there a ‘hard enough’ level of study? How do I put myself in a scale of 1-10? Any cures for brain freeze during exam? Very often I realized I know the answer AFTER exam, which is KILLING me, I just want to bang my head against the wall… then again, you can’t misdiagnose a patient and regret 10 years later that you actually know the diagnosis but couldn’t think of it at the point in time. Oh god, I hate the feeling,..

I decided to work harder this sem, or at least smarter, perhaps change the way I study. Yeah, no more last-minute… you’ll never know when you might get menstrual pain on the day before exam,.. and it’s really unfair that only XX gets it, and not even all XX-es…

Trust me Boon Lee, I am trying very hard to think positive… I tried following your advice, to start my day with the [I am happy today because…]… but it’s just too exhausting to fill in the blank. []... and the thoughts of having to pull myself out of bed at 7am,.. it sucks man, totally… *siGh *… guess I must really find the book – the secret. Need all the motivation I can get…

Goals provide the energy source that powers our lives. One of the best ways we can get the most from the energy we have is to focus on it. That is what goals can do for us; concentrate our energy –Denis Waitley

I really envy people who are certain of what they want, knows how to achieve it and goes all out to make it a reality!! Therefore, i shall try to make my own set of goals, it quite simple, really...

My goal : To worry about grades and not worry about passing/failing
Ever since I entered medical school, all I worried is whether I’ll pass or fail an exam. I don’t understand why I allow myself to be contented with merely passing an exam with average results. Well, it shouldn’t work that way, should it? Not that I want to be kiasu and score a string of A’s but somehow, it’s too exhausting worrying whether you’ll pass or fail after EVERY exam… it’s not that I am paranoid, but I suppose, if one have studied enough, they will be certain that they passed, and it’s just the grades that matters, and it does matters… and this sem, I will make it matter!!

As for patients, it’s not fair trying to treat them with the ‘borderline’ knowledge you have right? Perhaps, if you had been more knowledgeable or skillful, you could have diagnose his problems earlier and offer the best management earlier and giving him a better life. He is not ‘just a patient’… so, got to study for patients and not merely for exams…

Like suk teng used to say: WORK HARD, play hard!!!

(Written on May 27, 2007 at 10:12 PM)

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of love

Today, i heard a story which was not a story of falling...
of living in the dark end of winter turmoil..
instead, it was a love story..
of a couple who did not live happily ever after...
but they live, loving each other..