COAMS #5 - To Believe.. To have Hope, Faith and Love

(November 11, 2005 at 02:18)

The week before my holidays, I went to church. I can’t remember the last time going to church. Mind you, I’m not a Christian, so going to church wasn’t an obligation for me. I remembered in primary school, I argued with my Muslim friends that most of us follow our parents religion… If your parents are Muslim, you’re probably a Muslim too, same goes to Christian, Buddhism, Taoism, etc…I told them, if you were borne to Christian family, chances are, you’re probably a Christian as well,.. If I am borne to a Muslim family, I’ll most likely be praying to Allah. Being afraid to sin, they all disagreed with me, saying that they’ll convert to their own religion no matter what! I remembered clearly, all disagreed except one. His name was Kamal.

I BELIEVE IN GOD. Or rather, I chose to believe in God- the creator, a greater power. Humans had spent so much time, sacrificed so many lives in search of HIM. They concluded with many different religion you see today. I’m not saying that religion is bad or fake - this is a very sensitive issue (God knows, I might even get sued for this). In fact, I truly support and encourages religion as all of them tell us to do good. If EVERYONE follows their religion, I’m sure this would be a better world. No more fights, No more cries, No more war.

So, I labelled myself as a free-thinker. Note, a free-thinker, not an atheist. Yeah, I don’t believe the monkey thing. I don’t deny evolution either. Perhaps, there is another origin of humans, one that we haven’t discover. Maybe God is watching as, like the way we watched the tiny ants.

Buddhism is probably just a phrase I used to fill in the blank next to religion in forms. Hell, I don’t understand a thing about Buddhism, the karma law and stuff. There’s the Buddha statue at the alter, next to the Guan Ying, Guan Gong and yin yang symbol. There’s numerous 7-star-crystal, silver papers and josh sticks. Then there’s Jesus on the cross. As a kid, I used to wonder whether all the different Gods would fight. My dad claims he’s a Buddhist, mum said she’s a Christian, yet they both burn silver papers to the ancestors- which to me is more of an act of Taoism. Perhaps it’s more of a ritual than a belief. I don’t know…

My parents brought me to this Siamist temple two days ago. It was this Sangkasa Celebration (Offering Robes Celebration). It would have been easier if I understood what the monks were chanting. Sometimes, it really amaze me how people can believe so much without understanding the meaning. My aunt actually memorized the whole 1-hour chant and no, she does not know Thai Language!

Where was I… oh yes, I went to church the week before my holidays. I realised how much my mandarin sucked when I could not understand half of what the priest was preaching in front. However, I like the feeling of being in church or a temple. Perhaps it made me feel closer to God. Perhaps, it gave me peace. Perhaps, it made me felt protected, reassured. Perhaps, it gave me hope, faith.

it's good to believe in something, someone, or some higher power,.. just leaving everything to Him, trusting.. it helps a lot, especially when you are in Medical School, when you see pain and suffering... when you share them,.. when you experience them,... they too became, a part of you...

I BELIEVE IN GOD.