COAMS #28 - An Indecisive Libran

Considering me being an indecisive libran,
making a decision, having a stand,
is never easy,

Finally being able to hold on to what i believe,
fighting for it,
and actually winning it,
but somehow things don't work out...
i wonder,
is it fate? or simply my stubborness...
religious believers call them 'tests and challenges from God'
to some others, it's just bad luck,
to me, i just feel silly, dumb,
i wished someone would just say,
'you did the right thing'
instead of 'you did what you think was right'
although sometimes, there really isn't any right or wrong,
and i wonder all the efforts,
all for nothing...
and sometimes, i just gave up...

Everything happens for some reason,
God has fooled me, again...

(November 26, 2006 at 07:21 AM)

COAMS #27 - Everyone faces exams

(November 23, 2006 at 06:04 PM)

i realise that everyone faces exams, whether your are 3rd year (like me), 4th year, 5th year, being a registra, going for specialisation, etc... Even when you are no longer a student, only that they don't call them exams anymore- being job interviews, promotion, hitting the target, meeting expectations,.. they are all actually some form of exams, seeing how far you can go, how high you can reach.. only that exams have a fix date... oh well...

i am not saying that exams are all bad though... i mean, they ARE there for some REASON... stress is good,.. to a certain extend, when under control... with stress, you get all the adrenaline pumping which actually pushes you beyond your imagination... sometimes, i do wonder how did i manage to burn the midnight oil, reading pages after pages, a chain coffee-addict i am during my pre-clinical years... perhaps, it's the norm around here... either you work or die...

note that i used the word [did]- past tense...

exams is coming up in a week's time.. stress is building,.. i am trying to convince myself that this is a normal process, and after that, everything will be fine...

there is really so much more to life besides exams... but if you take life one at a day, and ignore exams, you probably wouldn't be so ambitious anyway...

the secret to success, if any, is total commitment...

(which explains why i was never successful, haha!)


p/s: yesterday was a 'good' hair day (do you call it 'good hair day'?).. i decided to be a doctor who is nice to patients and med students when i graduate,.. that is IF i graduate... Dr Shakee was awesome! sometimes, a doctor can make one's day... without realising how much they influences goes ;)

COAMS #26 - complains and more complains

(November 16, 2006 at 02:12 AM)

When will I stop complaining?

I can’t help it, really. Today’s another one of those [bad-hair-day].. or rather [bad-hair-week].. I feel terrible, in fact, I looked terrible…

I had abdominal pain last Tuesday,.. went to the A&E department and had to answer a list of really annoying questions like: where EXACTLY is the pain? Where is the maximal intensity? Does it radiate anywhere? Any rebound tenderness? How is the nature of the pain? Colicky? Sharp? Dull? Cramping?? ArGGGGHhhhhhh…….. Although I am a medical student, being a really really SICK medical student, I really can’t be bothered.. Inside of me was just shouting, HELL,SKIP THE QUESTIONS AND JUST GIVE ME ALL THE PAIN KILLERS YOU’VE GOT!! Ironic huh? How you understand why patients can get real annoyed.. The worst thing was when the HO (House Officer) open her book of drug list and ask me what drug i want... hah!


I tried to start my day with a smile,
Tried to convince myself that today will be a fine day,
Yet,.. today is still as yesterday...

Today’s really not my day…
i'm having emotional fluctuation,
having menstrual pain
had acute gastro enteritis
on top of that, i'm suffering from PRE-EXAM-SYNDROME
and i got INK-ed today...
and my precious handphone got a spot.
i should be enjoying myself at Genting with BoonLee and Audrey now,
but i'm stucked here, *siGh*...
and i've got class at 7am tomorrow...

well, somethings never change...
when will i ever stop complaining... =P

An Awesome Experience!

(November 03, 2006 at 08:01 AM)

Imagine...
The strings each taking their turns,
Gradually uniting and building the climax
The cello plucked and hopped
Screeching as they hit the bridge
Unexpectedly gentle to the ears
The woodwinds pulling you forward
Like a magnet of unknown powers
The sound of the piccolo singing like a bird
The flutes skip along
The harps play angelically, I felt like in heaven,
The horns and trumpets,
Majestically making their stand,
The drum rolls,
The symbol claps… marking- the end.
I've attended many musical performances,
And today,
today was by far THE MOST AWESOME performance!!

COAMS #25- The 5 Stages Of Dying

(October 18, 2006 at 08:16 AM)

5 stages of dying
DENIAL

ANGER

BARGAINING

DEPRESSION

ACCEPTANCE

at medical school, i was told that the above are the 5 stages of dying,.. but, i personally think that it applies to our everyday life...

i remember Morrie once said(in Tuesday with Morrie by Mitch Albom) - it is okay to feel sad. allow yourself to fully experience the depression, and then get over it. sometimes, i wake up in the morning feeling sad, but i only allow an hour of sadness and nothing more...- well, not exactly a quote, but more or less so...

but sometimes, we tend to get stuck in the depression stage for a very very long time... and we try to aviod the feelings, push them away... i guess, unless we allow depression to penetrate fully, we will never reach acceptance, and the cycle repeats itself...


Footnotes: Tuesday with Morrie is a novel by Mitch Albom which i highly recommand! it's about his palliative journey in facing death.. journey to the coffin... how he faced the days as he withers,.. yet managed to touch so many hearts and changed so many lives... a teacher whose works live forever...

COAMS #23- if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)

(September 21, 2006 at 03:47 AM)

if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)

life over here is,.. ermm.. well...

i have exams next monday and wednesday, you guys really have to pray for me lehh... it's driving me mad... i'm desperate for a good case, a good examiner, and a easy pass... i'm so desperate that i made a deal with God to go on a 3-day vegetarian diet if i pass.. one week if i get good results... which is a big deal for me, coz i don't really fancy veggies... in fact, i hate green leafy stuffs!

btw, did i tell you that my mum actually called me to tell me study facing the east? better feng shui, she said.. perhaps that explains why i'm not getting it!

anyway, i have been panicking over exams for the past few weeks,.. that somehow, i felt that i have exhausted myself... at one point, i just felt like , hey, i don't wanna give a damn... and watching [the click] certainly didn't help... i thought it would improve my mood, you know, with the comedy and all... but i just felt like packing all my stuffs and go straight home.. forget about exams and all, CAN I?

i shall make this my last blog for me to complain over exams,.. it's exhausting and i guess it's about time i simply grow out of it and blog bout other meaningful thing... till then, oh well...

i'll be back next week, have half a week break,.. very very short break,... who's back besides audrey? yeah, audrey, i'm sorry to hear bout pipi... don't worry, she's just closer to God...

hey people, come back for the weekend la! it's hard to gather people nowadays, i don't know why... tight schedules, commitments, distance increases over time... even the mails and messages reduces over time.. oh well, who can i blame?

life goes on...

oh yes, pong, nice to hear that you are taking creative writing...i'm so jealous... no, please don't remind me of those classic 'rain' stuff..haha!! remember your classic 'white' story? those were the days... i feel like writing too, but somehow, couldn't.. don't know why... you know what? i actually missed English classes... no, not Pn Chu's class la.. but i guess i missed Mrs Lim Swee Boon and Mr Fredderick.. missed writing, having English games, and doing literature...even spelling is fun with Mr Fredderick! those were the days...

if success has an entry fee, the cost is total commitment (Denis Waitley)

am i ready to commit? are you ready to commit?