(June 27, 2006 at 08:09 AM)
i can't help feeling a little terrified of the psychiatric wards... it gives me a rather eerie feeling... very disturbing...
imagine, patient gripping your hands in fear, asking you not to leave,..telling you of the music she heard... the voices... asking you what to do.. you listen,.. you comfort... you give all the empathy you can afford,.. you can't leave for class... you can't leave for home.. you just can't leave...
patients walking in circles,.. limited facial expression,.. he stares straight at you...
patients responding to their hallucinated friend...
patients holding you with their icy cold hands,.. in fear...
the wards can be very depressing and scary... disturbing...
oh God... i really must learn how to face these patients...
the clinics are much better, patients are almost normal... like anyone you see off the street... like i said before, 'i believe that everyone, at some point in life, have a certain degree of mental disorder'... this is an opinion, not a delusion(fixed false belief)...
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
COAMS #17 @ Medicine Rotations
Date : 14062006 (1930pm)
Mood : Sometimes, one convince oneself so much that one can’t tell what is real and what is not…
I wrote my diary today. Hasn’t done that for the past 3 months, which is a big deal for me, considering my unstable emotional fluctuant. Sometimes, I feel that filling up the pages of a diary is like a therapy. It helps me think, the way music and sports make people think.
Today, my lecturer said something about anxiety. It was quite personal as I had the similar episode before, to the extend that I was rushed to the Hospital Kuala Lumpur. But of course, during that time I didn’t realize that it was anxiety. I was hyperventilating and had peripheral paraesthesia - fingers numbness. I was pretty convinced at that point that I had another asthmatic attack. My friend believed that the 2 pitiful prawns I had for dinner after blood donation had triggered it. Indeed, I was so annoyed when the doctor at A&E Dept kept asking me whether I am stressed, about my exams, etc… In fact, I kept insisting that I’m ‘UNDER’-STRESSED, meaning having too little stress, having stress level lower that I should… oh God… I can be such a ‘difficult’ patient, sometimes… to think that I’m form Med school.. haha!
That’s not the main point. The thing is, Datin Norella said today that when people faces a problem, very often, they may try to channel their problem towards something else, something more manageable, like being sick. When one is sick, one sees a doctor, one take medication, one gets well, full stop! The problem is, she didn’t tell me how to treat the problem… * siGh *… I mean, I know how to treat anxiety, hyperventilation, metabolic alkalosis etc… but how to you prevent going into anxiety? Stop med school?
I don’t feel well today. But I clearly know I am not sick. It’s just a feeling, not feeling good. One of those days you feel that it’s your ‘bad-hair-day’.. but you can’t really tell why…
It’s the fourth week of my Medicine posting (which, supposing is the toughest and scariest posting in the entire year). I’m like half way through, yet I feel that it has just begun. I’m not sure whether I am stressed or am I lacking stress. I want to have a healthy amount of stress, I know that I SHOULD be stressed, I NEED TO BE STRESSED, only then I would start pushing myself and induce adrenaline production. Until then, I’m in the –I-AM-TOO-LAZY-AND-I-DON’t-GIVE-A-DAMN- state…. *siGh *… it’s sad right? Having med student like me? Maybe I need self-motivational books.. I wonder, is there a [MEDICINE-FOR-DUMMIES] book.. Hmm…
Sometimes, one convince oneself so much that one can’t tell what is real and what is not…
Mood : Sometimes, one convince oneself so much that one can’t tell what is real and what is not…
I wrote my diary today. Hasn’t done that for the past 3 months, which is a big deal for me, considering my unstable emotional fluctuant. Sometimes, I feel that filling up the pages of a diary is like a therapy. It helps me think, the way music and sports make people think.
Today, my lecturer said something about anxiety. It was quite personal as I had the similar episode before, to the extend that I was rushed to the Hospital Kuala Lumpur. But of course, during that time I didn’t realize that it was anxiety. I was hyperventilating and had peripheral paraesthesia - fingers numbness. I was pretty convinced at that point that I had another asthmatic attack. My friend believed that the 2 pitiful prawns I had for dinner after blood donation had triggered it. Indeed, I was so annoyed when the doctor at A&E Dept kept asking me whether I am stressed, about my exams, etc… In fact, I kept insisting that I’m ‘UNDER’-STRESSED, meaning having too little stress, having stress level lower that I should… oh God… I can be such a ‘difficult’ patient, sometimes… to think that I’m form Med school.. haha!
That’s not the main point. The thing is, Datin Norella said today that when people faces a problem, very often, they may try to channel their problem towards something else, something more manageable, like being sick. When one is sick, one sees a doctor, one take medication, one gets well, full stop! The problem is, she didn’t tell me how to treat the problem… * siGh *… I mean, I know how to treat anxiety, hyperventilation, metabolic alkalosis etc… but how to you prevent going into anxiety? Stop med school?
I don’t feel well today. But I clearly know I am not sick. It’s just a feeling, not feeling good. One of those days you feel that it’s your ‘bad-hair-day’.. but you can’t really tell why…
It’s the fourth week of my Medicine posting (which, supposing is the toughest and scariest posting in the entire year). I’m like half way through, yet I feel that it has just begun. I’m not sure whether I am stressed or am I lacking stress. I want to have a healthy amount of stress, I know that I SHOULD be stressed, I NEED TO BE STRESSED, only then I would start pushing myself and induce adrenaline production. Until then, I’m in the –I-AM-TOO-LAZY-AND-I-DON’t-GIVE-A-DAMN- state…. *siGh *… it’s sad right? Having med student like me? Maybe I need self-motivational books.. I wonder, is there a [MEDICINE-FOR-DUMMIES] book.. Hmm…
Sometimes, one convince oneself so much that one can’t tell what is real and what is not…
Thursday, June 1, 2006
hostel horrors
I missed home. I haven’t talked much about the hostel here, have I? Lately, they are having this ‘rondaan malam’ thing in my hostel. Why, you may ask. Well, there were cases, I heard. Some psycho has been wondering around in the girls hostel. Let me share with you the story I heard. I’ll write it from the persona point of view.
0256am – finally, I’ve completed my assignment! Last minute work. Turned off the lights and crawled under the warm blankets. Bummer, I forgotten to lock the main door, arGh... can’t be bothered,..
I thought I heard someone calling. Am I dreaming? I must be. The mourning starts getting unusually louder. Is it from the next door? I was not sure. People around here don’t sleep, huh? I thought.
‘adik’ a soft whisper came from my window. I saw the silhouette of a man, short, spiky hair. Oh my God, I must be studying so hard that I am imagining things. Exams do things to people. ‘adiiiik’ he continued calling, this time louder. Okay, maybe I’m not dreaming. I figure someone is looking for the next door neighbour. Curious, I inched towards my window and peeped through the curtains. There was this young Indian man, dressed neatly in checkered shirt.
I stepped back. Shock, fright, fear, horror – the emotions filled my head so fast I couldn’t register. I need help. I need to get out of here. I can’t breath.
He continued mourning, gradually louder and louder. I need to call someone, anyone. But my cell phone is just next to the window. Go away, I shouted, but the words couldn’t come out. I hid at the corner of my room. Pulled the blanket over my head. Cupped my hands over my ears. Prayed for him to go away… go away..
So, that was the story I heard. The Malay girl reported the case- a stranger masturbating by her window in the middle of the night. So, the hostel is no longer safe. Creepy huh?
p/sss: if again you might be wondering, NO, i haven't had any encounter with that creapy guy and hopefully never will.
0256am – finally, I’ve completed my assignment! Last minute work. Turned off the lights and crawled under the warm blankets. Bummer, I forgotten to lock the main door, arGh... can’t be bothered,..
I thought I heard someone calling. Am I dreaming? I must be. The mourning starts getting unusually louder. Is it from the next door? I was not sure. People around here don’t sleep, huh? I thought.
‘adik’ a soft whisper came from my window. I saw the silhouette of a man, short, spiky hair. Oh my God, I must be studying so hard that I am imagining things. Exams do things to people. ‘adiiiik’ he continued calling, this time louder. Okay, maybe I’m not dreaming. I figure someone is looking for the next door neighbour. Curious, I inched towards my window and peeped through the curtains. There was this young Indian man, dressed neatly in checkered shirt.
I stepped back. Shock, fright, fear, horror – the emotions filled my head so fast I couldn’t register. I need help. I need to get out of here. I can’t breath.
He continued mourning, gradually louder and louder. I need to call someone, anyone. But my cell phone is just next to the window. Go away, I shouted, but the words couldn’t come out. I hid at the corner of my room. Pulled the blanket over my head. Cupped my hands over my ears. Prayed for him to go away… go away..
So, that was the story I heard. The Malay girl reported the case- a stranger masturbating by her window in the middle of the night. So, the hostel is no longer safe. Creepy huh?
p/sss: if again you might be wondering, NO, i haven't had any encounter with that creapy guy and hopefully never will.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)