COAMS #10 - 1st Clinical Class

(March 10, 2006 at 08:38 AM)

I had my first clinical teaching today. I was wondering whether I should blog it, considering that it was one of the worst day of my life!! Not that I had been scolded by the consultant, somehow, they just have the ability to make one feel ant-small… perhaps even lower than an ant. And blogging this is obviously a humiliation…

I had second thoughts again, of being here. I didn’t allow those thoughts to penetrate me too deep though. Tried to dispose it at the back of my brain. Clinical years is like a huge gap, and I am certainly no Olympic champion. The fear of having to adapt has came back to haunt me. Only this time, in multiplied momentum. *sigh *…

You must be wondering, how terrible my first ward teaching turned out. Surely, it can’t be that bad. Well, it’s not that bad,.. just bad.

“Surely Wu, that’s a very weird thing to say”
“Don’t whisper. If you want to say something, just say it or else stay silent”
“You are on your own during exam. Don’t discuss”
“Not reading everything is equivalent of reading just one page”
“With this attitude, do you think I should give you any more lessons?”
blah, blah, blah….

I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t an exam. Express that if reading 90 pages out of 100 is equivalent to reading 1 page, I’ll gladly read 1 page. And to remind him that it IS part of HIS JOB to give us lessons… then again, my heart wasn’t beating at the moment, and I wasn’t strong enough to protest.

Boy, how I hate his sarcastism. His body language, the way he shake his head… Do you really have to be this tough on us? Come on, it is after all, our first day… couldn’t you be more encouraging? Then again, I tried to convince myself that perhaps, he had a bad day,.. or PMS/monopause or something…

Then again, my condition isn’t as bad as other groups. Just sad and depressing. But I’m not giving up, not yet.